Teagan Time

A Fire is Burning

2012-01-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

I met with the department chair today. He told me about a PR video he wants to do for the geography department. He said he needed a good communicator to head up the project and thought of me. I was flattered, "me, a good communicator, stop!"

And then he said "But first, Teagan, how is your program going?"

"Uh, good. Movin' in the right direction."

"And what year are you in?"

"Me? Oh, uh, my fourth."

"And you haven't defended your proposal yet?" This isn't really a question. It's a big statement. Coupled with the face he made, his message was clear. Proposals are to be defended in the second year and I'm pushing it.

"March! I am working on defending in March and then candidacy exams in August."

"You really need to get this done. The quicker you finish the better it will be for you. But you don't need me to tell you that."

"Oh, I know. This is my year."

"Then we will have you head this PR video up after you finish your candidacies. And you know it's my job to harass you, right?"

"Absolutely." As I leave his office I yell back "a fire has been lit."

Actually, it's been lit for a while. I know things need to happen. I just feel like I have to get over this wall of doubt. Because I'm in the way. But I know that once I shove me aside, I will make it work.

And my goodness time is-a tickin' so for heaven's sake girl, let that shoving begin.

Brrrr

2012-01-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

I walked to school this morning. It was too cold to start my car. The walk isn't too long, about 20 minutes. But on days like today it can feel like an eternity.

I left home around 8 am. It was still dark outside.

About 7 minutes into the walk I noticed it was getting hard to see. Every time I exhaled the warm moist breath would rise and condense/freeze on my eyelashes.

This is my attempt at a close-up frosted eyelash shot but instead turned in to a Blair Witch moment -- I'm so scared right now.

Then I arrived at school and discovered my hair had frosted over too.
It's cold out there!

Crazy Cat

2012-01-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

The cats are zonked this morning. Especially Raytinki. He was up all night zipping around the house and attacking anything with legs. Usually Raytinki falls asleep around 11 but for whatever reason he was one crazy cat last night.

Picture and a Story: Three Officers

2012-01-15T17:43:00.001-08:00

My dad, Bob Kerrey, and another officer during UDT (Underwater Demolition Training).

I found this picture of my Dad and talked to him and my mom about it on the phone today. He told me it was taken during Navy SEAL (Sea, Air, and Land) training. At the time he was stationed in Coronado, California and they would go out near the Santa Cruz islands for intense training. When the picture was taken they were headed back from such a training. He said while out there the food wasn't great and all he wanted to do when he got home was get a steak at a club.

Then, when he got home he found out that while he was slaving away my mom was back on the mainland spending all their money. It came out like this:

Dad: All I wanted was to go get a steak and I got home and mom spent the money.
Mom: (said with no remorse) Yeah, I went to San Fransisco.
Dad: (sighs)
Mom: But don't let him fool you. He had food. I made him a nice dinner. His favorite. Pork chops.

My dad and I both chuckle. We both know my mom missed the point. She spent all their money. As she still does today. Because she likes to shop and give people presents. That's my mom and some things never change.

****

I also found a blurb on an award my dad received for his actions in Vietnam. He's told me about what happened but I never read the official write up for it:

Awards and Citations

Silver Star

See more recipients of this award

Awarded for actions during the Vietnam War

The President of the United States of America takes pleasure in presenting the Silver Star to Lieutenant, Junior Grade William Michael Tomlin (NSN: 0-720951), United States Naval Reserve, for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action while serving with friendly foreign forces engaged in armed conflict against the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong Communist aggressors in the Republic of Vietnam, on 16 April 1970. Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Tomlin was the Assistant Officer in Charge of SEAL Team ONE, Detachment GOLF, ECHO Platoon operating in the SEAFLOAT/Solid Anchor area of operations. After successfully interdicting a Viet Cong resupply and commo-liaison force, inflicting heavy casualties and capturing numerous enemy equipment and documents and while his patrol was being extracted, the enemy ambushed the Medium SEAL Support Craft (MSSC) with heavy automatic weapons fire and B-40 rockets. One rocket hit the boat near Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Tomlin's position, inflicted shrapnel wounds, knocked him down and momentarily stunned him. The blast severed all hydraulic and electrical lines to the starboard engine, knocked out the steering cables, ruptured the fuel cell and ignited a fire in the starboard panel perilously close to the gasoline flowing from the ruptured tank. He ignored his multiple wounds, crawled out of the boat onto the starboard gunwale, thus completely exposing himself to the enemy rocket and automatic weapons fire. Through intense smoke, heat and flames billowing from the damaged hull, he leaned over the side and extinguished the fire. Lieutenant (Junior Grade) Tomlin's actions prevented the ignition of the leaking fuel and numerous friendly casualties. His courage, heroic actions, professional performance and devotion to duty were in keeping with the highest traditions of the United States Naval Service.

Action Date: 16-Apr-70

Service: Naval Reserve

Rank: Lieutenant Junior Grade

Company: Seal Team 1

Regiment: Detachment Golf

Why the Cat Lady Went Crazy

2012-01-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

In my house, I'm the boss of meal time. Me! Not them. I decide when it happens and I dole out the food. And I say that food time is 6 am and 5:30 pm. Period.

The cats are constantly fighting me on this and it makes me crazy.

This morning the fight continued.

The time was 4:45 am. Their goal was to get me to feed them. They were relentless.

Things were knocked off high surfaces. Papers were chewed. Pens were tossed. My cork board was ruthlessly clawed.

Ignore them, Teagan. I told myself. Reacting only validates what they're doing.

The dropping of pens and tearing of paper stops.

Silence. Finally.

Then I hear a slow, constant scraping sound.

What is that?

Something substantial is being pushed across my desk.

My lamp!

I have an IKEA lamp on my desk. It's fairly heavy with a metal base and an opaque glass lamp shade.

He wouldn't.

Skreeeetch.

He would!!

I flip on the lights. Raytinki, NO!

He looks at me with pleading eyes.

I look at the clock and the numbers blur into focus.

5:15 am.

Ah man!

I do the math (which is a tricky thing to do at 5:15 am). Okay, cats are fed at 6 and the clock says 5:15 but it's 15 minutes fast...which means there's...an hour to go. AN HOUR! Noooooooo.

I start an inner dialogue.

What to do? I can't feed the cats. They can't know their tactics work. And their tactics do work which means they won't let me sleep. I could do laundry. No, my back is stiff. If I carry my laundry downstairs I could hurt my back. I could watch part of a movie. No. I don't want to watch a movie. I want to sleep! I could lock them out of the room. No, they'll never stop scratching the door. I could feed them. No. NO. Don't give in. I'll get something to eat. And I'll read my book.

I have a plan.

I stumble to the kitchen and put english muffins in the toaster. The cats are swarming, making figure 8's around my ankles.

The english muffins pop up. I generously add butter and carefully make my way back to my room as the cats weave between my legs.

I sit on the floor and attempt to read. The cats rush at me, look back at their food bowls, and then head for my english muffins. I put my hand out to protect the muffins but the two furry heads of the cats keep bobbing between my fingers. Their tongues threatening to lick my early morning breakfast. I lift the plate close to my face and quickly cram the english muffins in my mouth between breaths.

I go back to reading. The cats look upset. They crouch down and scowl at me for the next half hour.

Finally, it's 6:00 am.

I drop my book and pick up their bowls. Gutteral cries bellow from below.

Bowls are filled. I reach down to put Raytinki's bowl on the ground and his whole body slams into my arm, almost spilling the contents of the dish. Raytinki, come on. Work with me here!

Both bowls safely make it to the floor. The cats plunge in. I crawl back into bed and turn off the lights. I'm the boss.

All I can hear now is their frantic chewing and gulping.

They're eating too fast!

I'm all too familiar with what happens when they eat too fast.

I say a silent prayer "Please don't let them throw up."

And I fall back to sleep.

Never Let Go

2012-01-04T15:52:00.000-08:00

I am IN LOVE with this "cat condo":
I can just imagine waking up each morning and coming out to the living room to see the cats jumping around on the sinking Titanic. It would make getting out of bed worthwhile everyday!

Right now I know that owning this is a dream, not a reality.

But my Dad taught me that if you have a goal, and keep that goal in front of you, you will accomplish that goal. I took his advice my Junior year of High School. My goal was to be class president. I wrote "I will be class president" on a piece of white paper and taped it to the inside of my bedroom door, so I would see it every day. With the goal in mind, I did what I needed to do to run for President, including bribe people with candy to vote for me. It paid off. I was voted class president. And I learned my Dad's goal philosophy wasn't junk.

Anyway, the point here is that if I want this I need to make a goal and work towards it, even if it takes a long, long time.

But to accomplish my cat condo ownership goal, I need to accomplish another goal.

I need a place where I live for more than 6 months at a time. A permanent residence. Perhaps even a custom cat compound. Maybe one like the cat house on the Kings.

Christmas Photo

2011-12-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Day my roommate thought it would be great to get all five cats in one photo. Here is what happened:

First we started with her cats. Two down, one to go.
Unfortunately Zuk (black and white) wasn't thrilled with the idea so once he was placed he bolted.
So we gave up for the moment on getting all of Deanne's cats together and got to work placing my cats. Rigby wasn't too sure but at least stayed put. Then we got Raytinki up there but he wouldn't look at me. I whistled to get his attention and he leaped off the cat tree and came to me.
On the verge of us giving up Zuk walked into view and sat down. Raytinki walked in flopped onto his back. It was good enough for me.

Mission accomplished. Merry Christmas from the five cat house!

Merry Catmas

2011-12-23T14:03:00.000-08:00

The cats got their gifts early this year. I got Rigby a cat nip pillow and Raytinki got a milk ring. If you asked them, and if they were able to reply in english, they would tell you that these were the best gifts ever!

Rigby goes wacky-cat over cat nip. And Raytinki keeps following me around with the milk ring, waiting for me to throw it for him. He is pretty patient too. I took my time in the shower and when I came out there he was waiting at the bathroom door, with his pink milk ring at his side. My roommate said he had been there for a while.

Relax, You're Kneeling

2011-12-16T21:33:00.000-08:00

I needed a more ergonomic chair for my back.

This is the one I really wanted:
This chair is amazing, right?! It has to be. The guy in the picture is even looking at pictures of himself sitting in the chair, on TWO screens! I need this. But I couldn't find one on the Calgary Craig's list or Kijiji.

What I did find was almost as great: a kneeling chair. I don't have a picture of my newly acquired, second-hand kneeling chair but I did find on Google images one that is pretty close. Did you look at this chair? Really look? I mean, come on, nothing says perfect ergonomic seating solution like a kneeling chair bathed in the rays of the rising sun. This chair says it's comfort alone is so amazing that it is worth hauling it into your car, trudging it across loose sand, wheeling it right out to the shore, and setting it in the perfect location for you to sit and at last enjoy the rising sun in the way our bodies were meant to enjoy it--in a semi-kneeling position on wheels.

This chair may change my life. Stay tuned.

Un-sleep

2011-12-16T05:56:00.000-08:00

What's the deal lately? I can't seem to sleep and that is usually never a problem for me! For the past few nights I have laid (lain? lay? ly?...meh) in bed, waiting to fall asleep. My body feels tired but my brain apparently has a lot of thinkin' to do.

Then, this morning after feeding the cats I couldn't fall back asleep. Seriously. Come on. Just an hour more. That's all I'm asking but it seems to be too much. So, here I am awake.

This morning's brain activity centers on crafting. I keep getting ideas for bottle cap magnets and then I think "hey, you should check ebay to see how much that glue is selling for, RIGHT NOW." And then I give in and search ebay for 30 minutes.

At this point my real question is why in the world doesn't this work for my project. I would totally be done by now if it kept me from sleeping. But instead, I have crafting induced insomnia. I must be my mother's daughter.

Fushigi

2011-12-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Japanese words is "fushigi" (pronounced foo-she-gee, where the 'gee' sounds like the 'gy' in eggy).

It means a wonder or mystery. If something is mysterious it is fushigi.

My back pain is fushigi.

I woke up last night with mega-heart burn (due to an unfortunate dinner decision on my part to eat peperoni pizza and drink sprite without taking an acid reducer pill). I got up to use the restroom and felt the most amazing of things. No back pain!! None.

Fushigi.

I think the acupuncture worked and I think spending many hours laying on the floor with my legs up on a chair, helped to "unload" my lower back. And who knows, maybe there were a few prayers out there on my behalf that helped too :).

It is bizarre to me how something so painful can seem to magically disappear. It's like all that needed to happen was for a signal to be sent to my back muscles saying "hey, relax."

Now I feel like I need acupuncture for writing my proposal. I get so paralyzed by irrational fear. I need to just say, relax and that way I can function again. I surround myself with so much doubt it's ridiculous. I doubt I should be a Ph.D. student, I doubt I can write a proposal, I doubt I am a good writer, I doubt I can finish, I doubt everything.

I really need a dose of reality. I need a needle stuck right in my doubt-maker to calm me down and to send a much needed relax message.

Physio in December

2011-12-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

I had my physio check-up today. For the past three weeks my back has been awesome. Then things went south on Sunday. Today the pain is still there and to make things worse, I was rushing to my appointment and slipped on some ice. I didn't fall but I sure jarred my back. Ouch.

My PT decided to work on my back to try and get some of my lower back muscles to relax. He used ultra sound, soft tissue massage, and then acupuncture.

I was nervous at first but the idea of having the pain relieved waaay out weighed my fear of having a needle stuck in my back. Except for the last needle, it wasn't too bad. I'm sure I will do it again.

I'm still in pain but I think it's getting better. The PT said I need to work on unloading my back. Which means laying on the ground with my legs up on the couch. So, I guess I have my day planned out for me.

Back Threats

2011-12-12T11:53:00.001-08:00

My back is threatening to go out today. I think 3 hours of church is too much for it. I need to figure out a chair solution. The foldable chairs that we use at church don't meet my back's support requirements.

In other news...I ate a whole container full of peanut butter filled, chocolate covered, pretzel pillows. And I loved it.

Toby 2 and Tippy-canoe

2011-12-07T13:37:00.001-08:00

My folks have two dogs. The newer pooper of the two is Tippy who is a black and white mop of a dog. My folks claim that Tippy is really my sister Tammy's dog but Tammy moved out and Tippy didn't. Tammy claims that Tippy is my mom's dog.
My Dad's dog is Toby 2 (the unfortunately named). Toby 2 came to being part of the Tomlins after the obese Toby 1 met his inevitable death (to see the incredibly fat Toby 1, go here). A while after Toby 1's death, my parents were on a trip and came across some dachshund puppies for sale. That is where they met and fell in love with the (at the time) incredibly cute Toby 1. When us kids found out about the puppy we begged our mother not to follow her mother's footsteps in naming successive dogs the same thing. We obviously failed. "I'm just going to end up calling it the same thing anyway" she argues. Turns out she occasionally calls me Toby, also.

Toby as a puppy had a small overbite that my folks thought was pretty cute. But as the puppy grew, his lower jaw did not. The once cute overbite turned into a serious deformity. As a result, Toby 2's lower jaw is the size of a puppy's so his tongue perpetually hangs out. It gives him character. And the ability to rest it on your leg or drag it across your arm.

Lump in the Rug

2011-12-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

I was studying in my room when my roommates knocked on my door and called out "Hey, Teagan, come see the lump in the rug."

Knowing my cat's "hiding skills" I had a feeling I knew what I was going to see when I opened my bedroom door.

While in Galesburg: Hedge Balls

2011-12-02T12:05:00.001-08:00

I have several stories to share about my trip to Illinois so get ready for an exciting series of blog posts that I call "While in Galesburg."

While in Galesburg I saw the strangest things on the trees: They were odd neon green balls. I noticed them while driving with my uncle Gary. We had left Galesburg and were on our way to go hiking around a state fish and wildlife area called Snakeden Hollow.

At first I thought the trees were decorated with tennis balls. But I couldn't think of a reason why anyone would do that. I finally asked my uncle what they were. He shrugged and said "Those are just hedge balls."

What are hedge balls?

My uncle wasn't entirely sure but he did say that people often placed them in their houses to repel insects.
Interesting.

I found one tree that had dropped hedge balls all over the place. I grabbed one to bring to my dad. When I showed him he wasn't as excited as I was. Actually, he pretended to be excited but it was the kind of pretend-to-be excited a father does when their kid brings them ordinary objects like a leaf or a piece of gravel. "Neat, you found a hedgeapple."

Hedgeapple? Hedge ball? What the heck are these things?

Unfortunately my Dad knew about as much as Gary, that people use them to repel bugs.

But what are they? Fungus? A fruit? Do people eat them? Is a giant spider going to hatch from it?

By now the suspense is killing you, isn't it!! You are one second away from google-ing, I know it. Well, don't waste the key strokes. I did it for you. And it turns out there is an entire website dedicated to these things.

http://hedgeapple.com/

And, whoa, is this website fun. From it I have learned that:

A hedgeapple is the fruit of the Osage orange tree.
Poems have been written about hedgeapples.
Cows have suffocated from these things because they can get lodged in their esophagus.
Martha Stewart gave a nod to hedgeapples in her 2001 November issue of Living (see page 5). While some people dry slices of them to mimic flowers, Martha prefers to decorate with them in their natural sate. Perhaps like this:

(I call this one "how not to decorate with hedgeapples")

Or this:
(Right now I hope Jenn is thinking of a dozen ways to incorporate hedgeapples into her home decor.)

If you think that hedgeapples couldn't possibly get more interesting then I challenge you to explore the hedgeapple website. I highly recommend the FAQ's section. Here are a few of my faves:

Do hedgeapples really repel lawyers?

Yes they do and all other types of insects!

How many colors do your hedgeapple earrings come in?

Color doesn't make any difference; they usually turn the color of blood once you hang them on your ears.

Bangs

2011-11-30T21:17:00.000-08:00

News Flash

2011-11-28T21:51:00.001-08:00

I now have bangs. My aunt cut them. And they are less crooked than my last set of bangs. Don't remember my $5 bangs? Then go here. New bangs pictures coming soon.

Galesburg

2011-11-26T20:14:00.001-08:00

I'm in Galesburg, Illinois enjoying a 10 day stay at my parent's house.

Galesburg is full of my relations. I have aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins and second cousins and great everythings here.

Tonight I went to see the Muppet's movie and to eat pizza with my mom and two of her sisters. We all look the same. We all are about the same height, too. Though I'm probably the tallest at 5'2".

At the pizza place one of my aunts said the hostess was her soul mate. I thought that was odd. I asked "She's your soul mate?" and my other aunt leaned towards me and whispered "No, she said that was her cell mate." So I met a gal my aunt was in jail with, so that's neat. I love family.

More fun stories to come on topics ranging from being mistaken for my sister and going to a small town auction.

Physio

2011-11-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

Brittany had the great idea that the next time I went to physiotherapy I should call the physiotherapist (PT) by his name...a lot. An idea that I liked...a lot.

But then I got to my physio session and chickened out.

Instead I just sat there, listening to my name being said too many times. But I wasn't as irritated. Perhaps because I expected it. What stuck out to me this time was his use of the word "fair." He mainly used it in a question to see if I understood.

PT: "Okay, Teagan, I am going to leave you to do this exercise for a few minutes. Is that fair, Teagan?"
Me: "Uh...sure." I say, while thinking: What do you mean? Could it be unfair? If I don't understand does that mean it's unfair?

Any who, overall physiotherapy has taught me that everything I do naturally isn't right. So, I am re-learning how to sit, how to stand, how to go from sit-to-stand, how to walk, and how to march. Sounds easy, right? Well it is easy to do wrong. Not so easy to do right. But I'm working on it.

I am also learning that strong abs do not equal core strength. Stabilizing the core are muscles I have never heard of...because I study rocks. One is your pelvic floor muscle and the other is your transverse abdominal or TA. And flexing your TA is no easy task.

I went in last week for a special appointment just so a lady could teach me how to contract my TA without contracting my abs. From the utlra-sound machine I learned 1) which muscle she was talking about, and 2) that I had no idea how to contract it without using my abs. "Try again, just using your TA." And once again, I failed. I kind of wanted to say something like "listen lady, this is a muscle I didn't even realize I had until today, how am I supposed to know how to contract it?"

Then, it suddenly contracted. I even saw the muscle contract on the ultra-sound screen. The ultra-sound lady got excited. "There, you did it. Describe what you did." Surprise...I have no idea. It just happened. She was kinda frustrated.

I left that appointment with a vague idea that contracting those muscles meant pretending like I had to go to the bathroom and I was holding it.

Today's session helped me figure out how to isolate my TA a bit more. The PT asked me if I was working on the exercises the ultra-sound lady gave me. "Uh...about those. No." Because I don't know what the heck I'm doing.

He seemed a tiny bit frustrated. (A trend, perhaps?) He asked me to describe what the exercises were. "Yeah, for one she..uh..said to lift my leg...uh...50%...uh...using a muscle under my abs...breathing out...or something." PT was not impressed. Clearly I had no idea what I was supposed to do. So, he walked me through some more exercises, all the while checking if things were still "fair."

At the end of the appointment I was hooked up to a machine for some electro-stimulus. The pads sat on my lower back and the stimulus stuff felt like heaven. It was a constant dull and warm feeling. Kind of like someone pushing down on my lower back. It was great. (Very different from the electric shock therapy I got in 2001 after my knee surgery. My thigh had atrophied so much that my quad wouldn't flex anymore. So electricity was used to "teach" my quad to flex again. The electrodes were placed on my thigh and would deliver a huge shock every 10 seconds that forced my thigh to flex. That wasn't heaven.)

I go back for my next appointment in a month. Which I think is fair.

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T14:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Veteran's Day and the veteran I am most thankful for is my Dad. Here he is, on the right, a Frogman. Happy Veteran's Day, Dad.

Seal Team 1, Echo Platoon, US Navy

Peeing in the Moonlight

2011-11-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post is about me peeing in the backyard. Just so you know.

Early, early this morning I peed in the backyard. It was an emergency situation.

I woke up at 2 am. I headed for the bathroom only to find my roommate already occupying it. But I had to go. I had to go really badly. Like, really badly.

I went into a mini panic. I couldn't hold it for long. What were my options? Go in the sink? No. Wait? I couldn't. What to do??

And then it came to me. Go outside.

So, in the moonlight, I found relief in our grassy backyard.

Diablo Zit

2011-11-07T10:53:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I woke up to something not so pretty. My eyelid was heavy, swollen-heavy. And I knew that if I went to church I would be asked why.

Ugh. It's a zit.

Diablo zit.

I covered it with a band aid and went to church. People asked and I told them "It's an infected pore" hoping that that would sound a little more elegant than giant-face-swelling-zit.

Today I woke up to an even heavier eyelid. What to do? Document it.

So here are some very unflattering pictures of myself in the morning, in my cat lady uniform (cat hair coated bath robe), documenting the impact of one Diablo zit.

Take Part in an Adoption Story

2011-11-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

Carly is an amazing person. She is one of my best friends and has been a constant source of support in my life. And now she needs my help, and yours.

She and her husband want to adopt their baby.

I say "their baby" because if you have ever heard an adoption story you know that when an adoptive family gets their baby they know immediately that that baby was meant for them.

I know that Carly and Matt will find their baby. But they and their baby need the right people to make the right connections.

We might be some of the right people. Isn't that exciting!

All we have to do is pass the word along. So please share Carly and Matt's adoption profile with anyone you feel inspired to.

We can take part in bringing a family together!! So what are you waiting for? Share their profile today!

Carly and Matt's adoption profile url: https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/25791168/ourMessage.jsf

Hellooooo Doctor

2011-11-01T15:10:00.001-07:00

I went to my physiotherapy appointment today. It brought back tons of post-knee surgery memories. I felt an enourmous sense of graditude that I was not being treated for my knees.

When I met the physiotherapist all I could think was "Wooooooooooooo Doggy, this guy is hot!"
I did a ring check. No ring! He even looked my age. But, then he started using my name...way too often.

It went something like this:
PT: Okay, Teagan, can you bend sideways. Good, Teagan. Any pain, Teagan?
Me: Nope.
PT: That's good, Teagan. Now, Teagan, Can you bend the other way? Any pain, Teagan?
Me: Nope.
PT: Excellent, Teagan.
...and scene.

This went on for 30 minutes and I it really bugged me. So much so that I forgot that he was hot and just focused on how many times my name was said.

I'm sure it was some skill that a book told him to do: "Build a relationship of trust with your patients by frequently refering to them by their name." All things in moderation, right! What he was doing probably works better for training dogs.

I go back in two week so we shall see if my name comes up in conversation again (and again).

Lacking the D

2011-10-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that when I'm in Canada I don't spend much time outside. But I didn't realize it would show up in my blood.

I got a call this morning from the Dr. saying that my blood tests show that I am deficient in vitamin D.

I looked up what some sources of vitamin D are and it looks like, other than the sun, eating fatty fish is one way to get it. Well, it's certainly one way other people can get it. Not me. No way. I filled my fish-eating-quota in Japan.

Fortunately the Dr., instead, told me to take 3000 IU of vitamin D pills per day for the next three months and then taper down after that. So I have another three pills to add to my daily regimen--which I will gladly take to avoid eating fish (blaarrf!).

Oh, and in Japan being translucent white got me a lot of praise. Apparently being able to see your veins through your skin is pretty hot. I need a shirt that says "I'm hot in Japan."

Blood and Derm

2011-10-28T12:26:00.001-07:00

I had two appointments today. I had my blood drawn and I went to a dermatologist. Here's what happened.

When I sat down in the "blood draw" chair (see image below) I glanced over to the right and saw the phlebotomist place five tubes on the table. FIVE!My first thought was that she had multiple patients' tubes ready to go. My second thought turned out to be correct, which was that all five were for me. Crap.The phlebotomist lady got down to business and started searching for a vein. She said something or other about my veins being a word like faint or wispy--but some other word, one that didn't really make sense in this context.

So while I sat judging her word choice, she found a vein and tapped it it like a keg, quickly draining me of five tubes of blood. During the draining, I squinted and turned away knowing that it would be better if I just didn't watch. But what didn't help was the fact that the door in the small blood-drawing room was open and opened into a busy hallway. So even though I didn't watch I could feel passer-by-ers peer in. Which was kind of unnerving.

****

Later that afternoon, while waiting for my dermatologist, I was flipping through a fashion magazine and came across the following add for a parents' magazine--which made my day.

Did you look at it? Was your day made? Of course it was. This kid is brilliant. He's the Bill Cosby of babies. All he needs is a pudding cup.

****

Now, on to my second appointment. The dermatologist lady was great. She broke acne down into three categories: 1) mild acne - acne that gets better with topical treatment, 2) moderate acne - acne that gets better with long term pill treatment and a haver gets scars because the acne-haver picks at their face, and 3) severe acne - acne that leaves scars no matter what the acne-haver does that is best treated with acutane.

My diagnosis: Moderate acne, and I'm a picker.
Treatment: topical cream, anti-biotics for the short term, and birth control for the long term.

So back to the old triad of acne treatments. She prescribed me a different birth control so hopefully I won't be so tired all the time. The problem though with this birth control is I won't know if it actually works for my acne for 9 - 12 months. Hooray. Good thing I have buckets of patience...not.

In the meantime, she told me to stop picking at my face. When she said that I felt pretty guilty, I am a picker but I can't help it--for the most part. It's a bad habit. One I do and don't even realize I'm doing. So, I say good luck, Teagan! You gotta try. Otherwise, it's your own fault.

She said the next step, if the birth control isn't working, is acutane. One of the blood tests they are running is a pre-screening to see if I can use acutane. I really hope I don't have to. I think of all acne medication, it is the mother of really bad side effects. But I guess I won't have to worry about that decision for 12 months. Until then, the acne battle rages on.

A Photo Story

2011-10-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

This morning in the cat pagoda, Raytinki found his spot occupied by Rigby. So this is what he did:

The moral of the story: Raytinki is kind of a jerk.

The Art I Love

2011-10-25T11:56:00.001-07:00

At the local mall there is an art store that sells paintings and photographs. I usually only go to the mall to shop at Old Navy which happens to be right next door to the art store so naturally I pass the art store when I go to the mall.

And everytime I pass the art store I stop and covet the paintings in the window display; the paintings by Fred Peters.

The paintings are vibrant and beautiful with bold swirls of waves or rocks. I absolutely LOVE them. I want one, or two, or three of them.

But, they cost a pretty penny...thousands of them in fact. Which is (cough) a little out of my price range.

But it's still fun to imagine which one I would buy. Maybe, when I finish my disseration I will buy one as a reward for myself. Maybe that will motivate me to finish. Maybe...

This one is my favorite:

Sculpted Sandstone Shore

Foundation

2011-10-22T17:10:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, my acne has been kinda nuts lately. My forehead is polka-dotted. No joke.

I decided today to invest in some make-up. I followed Jamie's advice and decided to try out Bare Escentuals mineral foundation.

I purchased the starter kit in the lightest color offered (because I am that white and will only get whiter in the coming months) and decided to pay a couple more bucks to get the foundation in matte, thinking that the normal foundation may have a bit of sparkle that could highlight my facial hair--of which I have a lot and am not exactly keen to show off.

The verdict? It's pretty great.

While it doesn't hide my zits (in the photo below you can still see all my red dots) it does make them look subdued. Without the make-up they are BRIGHT red and very prominent. So in terms of coverage I would say it is okay. I may need to buy a dedicated concealer to use underneath the foundation.

What makes this stuff great though is how weightless it is. In the photo it almost looks like I'm not wearing any foundation. Which I love.

Also, my skin is both dry and oily so I have peeling skin in some places (gross, right!). Normal foundation usually accentuates the dry skin but not this stuff. You can't even tell that my nose is peeling.

Back Work

2011-10-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

(Note: This is not by back--just in case you were wondering.)

I just had my massage and chiropractic appointments and I feel all lotioned up. I don't like it. But I do like that both appointments went well and were not awkward. Do I feel better? You bet. Am I relaxed? Now I am but while getting the massage, no way.

I had thought that maybe my massage could be relaxing and perhaps my first and only massage experience (from over 10 years ago) was a bit skewed because I had it at a massage school. I thought wrong. I blame the media for my misconception. TV and movies always make it look like people are in heaven as they get a massage, like nothing could be more relaxing.

For me it was an hour listening to the sounds of a ticking clock, 90's music, and a stranger breathing (a most unsettling sound), all while having that same stranger rub my naked back with uber-lotioned hands (not my idea of relaxing). And by rub I mean work--she worked my muscles. My muscles were wrought. (Like in the Book of Mormon how Nephi talks about how his brothers were wrought upon by the spirit? Go here for that section.)

She would narrow into a knot and push it and hold it. Which felt like having someone locate a tender bruise on my body and then push their thumb into that bruise and hold it there. Every time she pushed a knot I could feel my right eye twitch shut. It wasn't extremely painful, it was just a feeling I preferred not to feel. A feeling of brief pain followed by weird numbness. Kind of like when you drop a shampoo bottle on your foot in the shower. But not exactly. The feeling wasn't that painful but the instant jolt of pain was similar. Or maybe it was more like when you sit on your legs too long and they fall asleep and just as you move them again you feel that weird numb pain for a moment?

After that hour of lotion slopping, muscle working, and labored breathing I actually I felt great.

I went directly from the massage room to my chiropractor's room. Being all loosey-goosey I thought the adjustment would come super easy. But my back had other plans. My chiropractor had to try a few times to get my back to pop. She said the massage therapist did most of the hard work but my back was still tight. I was shocked. Am I that wound up? Apparently, yes, I am.

So, I scheduled another massage appointment for next week. I'm not nervous--now that I know what to expect.

****

On a different note, I have been having a hard time falling asleep at a reasonable hour (before 1 am). My chiropractor suggested taking magnesium citrate. She said the sleep clinic has been recommending it because it's the predecessor of melatonin which is what helps you sleep. Her mom takes 300 mg about an hour before bed and so far it has been helping.

I picked some up today and will give it a whirl.

****

I think dealing with my health issues is turning into a part time job. I have a blood test, dermatologist appointment, and massage appointment next week followed by a physiotherapy appointment the next week and then a therapy appointment the week after that. Good grief! It makes me feel kind of selfish. My friends who are moms spend all their time doing for others and all this me-work is making me feel guilty.

But I also feel like if I don't work on these issues now they are only going to get worse. I think something I read in a back pain brochure sums it up nicely: "When back pain hits, life is about to be disrupted." My life has been disrupted by back pain for about 5 years now. I want to wake up in time for, and be able to sit through, church. I want to work hard at school. I want to help other people and do service. But, along with back pain, my issues with stress, sleep, and even acne disrupt my life, stopping me from doing what I want to do.

I guess this is the time to be a little selfish. And maybe being single right now is good timing-- even purposeful timing.

Massage

2011-10-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

My chiropractor gave me a prescription for a massage last week. (A prescription! Turns out my insurance will cover massage appointments IF they are prescribed.) My appointment is tomorrow and I'm nervous!! I have had one massage in my life and it was many things including awkward, painfully ticklish, awkward, not relaxing, and very awkward. I'm pretty sure it was that experience that made me vow never to do it again.

But I'm doing it again. For the sake of my back. You owe me big time, back! No joke.

Recovery

2011-10-17T16:34:00.001-07:00

I am at this very moment almost recovered. My cat-bite is healing nicely. My acne wounds are healing too. My back-spasms have calmed down (it felt like I was wearing a super tight corset for the past three days--too bad it didn't look like I was wearing one). And now the pain in my arm from my tetanus shot is mellowing. That's right, I got a tetanus shot--woot, woot. Bring it cats and small animals and dirt. I'm protected (for at least 5 years).

Now, time to sit back and enjoy some healing-ness, calmness, and mellowness. That's a lot-a 'ness.

Battle Wounds

2011-10-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

My acne has exploded on my forehead this week so I'm laying low today, working from home. On Friday one of the foreign grad students in the department asked me what happened to my forehead, thinking no doubt that I had an accident. I couldn't lie. I just smiled and said, "Oh, it's acne. I am one of those lucky ones who has adult acne." He looked embarrassed so I tried to assure him it wasn't a big deal.

But it is a big deal, for me. I would love to have normal skin. Right now I am investigating different make-up products to conceal all the red and doesn't look horrific on acne, or makes it worse. If anyone has any suggestions let me know. I wonder if mineral make-up works on acne?

On the bright side, I worked all day yesterday and had to force myself to stop so I could go home to feed the cats. It felt soooo good to have the energy to work hard all day. I have carried this guilt, feeling like a slacker, for the past three years because I was just so tired all the time.

So what am I doing blogging? Back to work!

Bathing a Cat

2011-10-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

What happens when three people try to bath one poopy-butt cat?

The cat gets wet and two of the people get hurt. I was one of the people who got hurt.

I was holding the head area of Cazie, my roommates big orange cat, and he let me know big time that he was not okay with that.

He bit me real good.

I felt him sink his teeth into the flesh of my palm. And then he chomped harder and I started to panic when I felt him penetrate the muscle. I'm not sure how but I was able to yank my hand out of his mouth. He left two puncture marks, on on the back of my hand and one on the palm.

A few hours later I thought "wow, my hand feels kind of tight." I looked down to find it swollen. And then I took pictures. Check out my cat-battle wounds. It hurts pretty much a lot. And I am realizing how many small actions require my injured palm muscle. I'll never take it for-granted again.

Sick Day 8

2011-10-06T12:21:00.000-07:00

Today makes 8 days that I have been sick. Gross. I feel better today,though. I sleep well but waking up is the worst. That is when I realize I can hardly breath as my nose is stuffed to capacity. Then comes the nose blowing and the wheezing and the hacking and with each violent cough there is a sharp pain in my lower lumbar (my own Achilles heal). But again, I feel better. Just wrapping this sickness up, me hopes.

What's crazy is that I have been sick over a week and within that week it has completely turned to Fall. Time is going too fast. And I am over a week behind in my stuff I should have done by now list. I'm trying to be easy on myself and say "Hey, relax, get better and then we will work hard" but all the while I hear a voice saying "You slept all day and your proposal is far from done...you're just being lazy." So I worry and wait to get better. I wish my earplugs could drown out the nagging voices inside my head!

The Squirrel

2011-09-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

The cats have been glued to the screen door lately...
watching this guy, the black squirrel:
He is very active in our front yard. My roommate is an avid gardener and her tomato plants are heavy with ripe, juicy, tomatoes. How could a squirrel resist? Plus, there are giant sunflowers in the front yard too. The squirrel likes to sit on top of the sunflower head and eat and eat and eat. I tried to get a picture of the squirrel on the sunflower but all I could manage was the squirrel's descent.
(All that's missing here is some mission impossible music!)

Rigby Makes Three

2011-09-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

Having multiple cats has always been part of my future, I just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. Today I get another cat because Rigby is coming to live with me. I'm nervous about my future travel with two cats and introducing Rigby to my landlord Deanne's cats (who already aren't that excited that Raytinki has come back to live with them). But, aside from those little worries that will likely turn out to be no big deal, I am excited to have Rigby around. Raytinki loves Rigby and not many other cats are willing to put up with Raytinki's antics.

Today is my Mom's birthday so I'm going to tell her that she gets another grand-cat today. I'm sure she will be ecstatic.

The Bent Tree

2011-09-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I went on a great hike with Ranger Bill. We hiked several miles, I broke in my new chacos (more like I broke in my feet), and we enjoyed a beautiful day in the Many Glacier Valley.Along the trail I was struck by a tree that had a u-shape bend in it. I wasn't actually hit by the tree--I was impressed by it. I wondered what kind of pressure the tree had been under and how it didn't break. And despite the pressure how did it right itself?
Unlike this tree, my typical response to pressure or stress is to ignore it. But, this is no way to deal with stress. If the tree were like me it would have ended up in a hopsital with a buldging disk in it's lower lumbar! Instead this tree dealt with the stress at it came. Slowly accomodating and bending instead of being stubborn and snapping. I think I can learn a thing or two from this tree.

Finding Calm

2011-09-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure I spend most days worrying. Worrying about little, insignificant dumb-stuffs. What a waste. So my goal this year (aside from kicking my research project into overdrive) is to just chill out.

I used to think chilling out was watching tv or sleeping but turns out those activities are distraction tactics I use to zone out and forget about my woes...not deal with them.

What's working instead is using visuals to put my mind at ease and change my perspective. Right below my computer screen is a picture of the Timpanogos temple with bright white clouds swirling behind the temple spire. Just a glance at it reminds me that things are eternal and my worries today aren't as big of a deal as I let my anxiety lead me to believe.

In my room at home is a water color picture of Lake McDonald. A view I cherish. It's the first real art I have ever owned. I adore it. Bill, my good ranger buddy, gave it to me for my birthday. I hung it in a place where I see it before I go to bed and before I leave for school in the morning. That way I can see myself back in Glacier, sitting on the boat dock, listening to the wind blow through the trees and the gentle lap of water on the rocky shore. Instant peace.

Finally, when I start to feel suffocated by fear and insecurities I close my eyes and imagine sitting alone on the boardwalk that leads to the Hidden Lake Overlook at Logan Pass in Glacier. I sat there two summers ago and felt a profound sense of calm. It was a little cold and the clouds were hiding the mountains so there weren't many people around. I sat a ways up the boardwalk and looked back towards the visitor center. Periodically the clouds would break open and a mountain would emerge. All the while I could hear the babbling of a tiny stream making it's way down the meadow on the right of the boardwalk. Serenity.

Though such visualization tactics don't take away my problems, they do put me in a better state to deal with them. And I know amid the chaos I can find peace.

****

"Everyone needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul." -- John Muir

If there were really soul mates out there I'm pretty sure mine would be John Muir...or Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. But I digress...

Three-Oh

2011-09-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

Another year gained and I'm happy to say thirty seems to be treating me pretty darn well. This is my year, I know it. I'm geared up to work hard on my PhD stuff, be more social, exercise more and eat better and not miss church so much. But, as my favorite High School Science Teacher used to say: "First things, first!" And now the first thing is packing up and heading back to the great, white North. Be good to me, Canada! I need your help to do my best. And Montana, just know that I'm looking forward to seeing you again in 2012. It gets harder to leave you every year but school won't last forever...I think.

Here's to my 30th birthday! I hope I do what I can to make this year even better than the last :). And most of all I need to remember this wise advice from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Don't Panic.

Fatigue

2011-09-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

This might be TMI (as my dad says) for most but I am super relieved that I think I figured out my fatigue issue. When I moved to Canada I started to become super tired, all the time. I figured it was my ADD medication but during the summer I wouldn't take those meds and still felt tired, all the time. It was super lame because I would have to use one day a week to sleep. So that pretty much killed any social time I would use to do things like, you know, make new friends, hike, or seek out an eternal companion (j.k.). Anyway, I have gone to the doctor a million or so times and they just couldn't figure it out. Well, in your face Docs, I think I figured it out.

I take birth control for my acne. I have tried antibiotics up the wazoo, topical creams, change of diet (though that didn't last long) but nothing seemed to work. When I went the hormonal route, slammo-bammo, it did the trick.

Last week I ran out of my pills and won't be able to get new ones until I get back to Canada. Instead of driving back early just for a perscription, I decided to just deal with the acne breakouts until I move back. And the most unexpected thing happened. The other day I woke up before 9 am, and I was feeling refreshed. I haven't felt refreshed in YEARS! I thought it was a fluke. But it happened again, and again. I think the whole fatigue deal might be related to hormones I take for acne.

So here is the dilemma. Would you deal with the fatigue to have clear skin. Or have pizza-face and feel energized. I'm going with pizza-face. And maybe I can find a happy solution in a few weeks. The acne saga continues...

Why I Can't Have Nice Clothes

2011-08-14T19:15:00.001-07:00

Trying to Fit In

2011-08-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

"I love you this much" and Super Cat

2011-08-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

Cat Hug

2011-08-09T10:38:00.001-07:00

Matchmakers

2011-07-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

I had a sinking feeling as I walked into church today. The feeling kept nagging me to turn around and go home. It was a feeling born of fear. Fear of being forcefully introduced to a single guy.

Last week at church, during Relief Society, I happened to mention that I was a single gal who would soon be thirty and felt like my chances of marriage were pretty slim. (The topic in our class that day was marriage.) Suddenly a few of the ladies perked up and said almost unanimously "Have you met Eldon yet?" My face burned. I in no way was fishing for a hook up or even help from all the grandmas I go to church with. I jokingly asked "Is he thirty?" and they responded enthusiastically "YES!"

I knew nothing good could come of this.

It's not like I don't want to meet someone. Sure I do. Who wouldn't? I just don't like the idea of dating. If we could just skip that part I think marriage would be grand. I also really don't like the idea of being set up. When it's happened in the past I just think...wow, is this guy someone my friends really think would be a good match for me? Considering the only thing we end up having in common is that we're both Latter-day Saint singles who happen to be around the same age.

When I got to church today I had a feeling the forced introduction would happen. I had not met Eldon before. Though I thought I had seen him in church. I noticed him because he was the only single guy who happened to be around my same age. And, I remember thinking that he had a very soft voice and didn't seem sarcastic.

I sat down in Sunday school and had the feeling that people were glaring at me from across the room. I turned to see four of the Relief Society ladies looking at me and then over to the other side of the room where a guy who looked about my age was sitting. "Crap" I thought. "Those ladies are really going to force us to meet." And then I thought that I was being vain. I don't know what those ladies were talking about and heck, they could have been just looking in my direction and not, in fact, at me. So I tried to squelch the panic feeling that kept urging my body to flee. FLEE NOW!

Class ended. I got up quickly and rushed out the room only to hear my name called out from behind me. I turned to see a huge grin on the face of yet another of the relief society sisters. She rushed to my side and in a gleeful whisper said "Why don't you come and meet Eldon!" She began ushering me into the chapel where I knew Eldon and 4 other relief society sisters were waiting for an introduction to happen. But the urge to flee grew too strong. Just before she pushed me through the door I somehow slipped from her grasp and rushed away. I didn't know to where. I just needed to get away.

I looked back to see that she was gone. I felt stupid. What was I so afraid of? But instead of going into the room where the introduction was intended to happen prior to class, I decided to wait just a bit longer and slip into class just in time for it to begin, avoiding the introduction.

My timing was off. I walked in to find class hadn't started yet. Out of the corner of my eye I could see three ladies practically pushing Eldon in my direction.

So it happened. We met. And it was awkward. I don't know what will come next but whatever it is I'm positive it will also be forced. What can I do? I have too many well-intentioned mother hens who I'm sure are positive that poor Eldon and I are the solution to each others' singledom. After all, we are both Latter-day Saint singles who happen to be about the same age. What more could I ask for?

I Love...

2011-07-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

thank you letters from kids:
We hiked maybe 20 minutes on a paved path.

Stray Thoughts

2011-07-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. Here are some things I've been thinking I should blog about:

1. While walking towards the doors at church I saw a little boy (maybe 5) and his mom looking at the rocks glued to the outside of the building. He saw me coming towards them and said to his mom "mom" as he pointed at me. His mom looked up to see me and said back to her son "Mom? Why yes, she is a mom." Uh...I'm not old enough to be a mom. Or at least that was my first thought until I realized that yes, yes I am old enough. I'm just not one. Unless you count my cat. If I died right now, he would get all my stuff.

2. A guy died in the park on Monday. He was only 30 (my age!), a husband, and a father of two. He fell off a trail and died. Ellie, my former-in-Canada-roommate, was the first ranger to respond. She was guiding a hike on the trail when it happened. This kind of stuff is what I dread. And this is the kind of stuff that really shakes me up.

3. The summer is going too fast. Next week is the end of July. I am already getting stomach aches thinking about my last day in the park. I wish I could be here always.

Addictions

2011-07-07T17:59:00.000-07:00

I am totally, without any glimmer of doubt, positively and absolutely addicted to two things. Okay, maybe three...or more. Today I will discuss three.

First, burt's bees.

I have to have my burt's bees original chap stick. I love the stuff. Even when I don't really need to re-apply, I do! I love the smell. I love the yellow wrapper. I love that it works so well. And I love it-- 'nough said.

My first addiction led me to my second. Maybe the chap stick is a gateway addiction, who knows. What I do know is that I am addicted to ebay.

I always felt weary about ebay. Maybe I thought people were selling crap. Or maybe I thought I would always be outbid. Or maybe, and most likely, I knew deep down that if I started on ebay it would fast turn into a problem.

A month ago I made my first order on ebay. It's turned into a problem.

Today I received my nth order in the mail. 15 burt's bee chap sticks. And I'm still expecting a movie, some sandals, and a book. Stuff I don't need but got good deals on.

Finally, my third addiction is doughnuts. This time instead of plain cake doughnuts I prefer raised doughnuts, especially maple bars. I am at this very moment fighting the urge to drive 20 minutes into town, in the middle of a horrendous thunder storm, for a doughnut fix. Maple bars...

The Great Kitty Protest of 2011

2011-07-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days I have noticed an interesting trend: no poop in the cat box. At first this was pleasant. No horrific odor to battle while scooping. But, a few days with no poop got me worried.

I also noticed that two days ago the garage smelled distinctly of cat poop. I looked around, and sure enough, found a huge pile of poop. This was odd. My cat is a good cat. He poops in his box. In fact, I used to have two boxes for him and he would pee in one and poop in the other. He is very meticulous. Finding a rogue poop pile was very uncharacteristic.

Was it Rigby, then? No way. Rigby is a very small cat and this pile in the corner was clearly from a very large cat...a very large orange cat named Raytinki.

Why would Raytinki poop in the garage? Did I leave him out there too long? Throughout the day I frequently let the cats go out in the garage. For them it must feel like going outside. They are safely contained in the garage so I am happy to indulge them in their garage time. But to poop in the garage? This was odd.

Tonight I think I figured it out. I was scooping the cat box and found no poop, yet again! And then it hit me: the litter! I had changed the litter. Arm and Hammer has a new litter that is much lighter than normal litter and made of natural stuff, like corn or something. I was pretty excited about the lighter litter because buying litter is a scary thing for me. The weight is a lot for my hurt-prone back. The new stuff seemed like the perfect solution. But it's been since I put the new litter in that the cats stopped pooping. A poop protest

So, to see if it really was the litter I filled a second litter box (I have a spare) with normal litter and within 5 minutes, no joke, both cats made very sizable deposits in the normal litter. For some reason they must not like pooping in the new litter and have been holding back. Poor little buddies. How horrible. All backed up for days. No doubt the garage pile was an act of desperation. But at least now the poop protest is over. And Raytinki is happily laying on his back in the living room with his belly fully exposed and his bowels evacuated...finally.

Blindsided

2011-07-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

A seven year old blindsided me today.

He and his mom came on my Johns Lake hike. They, along with 18 other people, walked with me to a portion of the trail that overlooks part of McDonald Falls.

While everyone was taking pictures this small boy came over and tugged on my shirt.

"Is this McDonald Falls?" He asked. I had to lean in close to hear him over the pounding sound of the falls.

"Yes, yes it is. It is one part of McDonald Falls."

"Oh." He looks out to the falls and back to me. "Can you believe this was all made by God?"

"Okay" I say, somewhat shocked by his surprise evangelizing (is that even a word?).

The kid looks beyond me and I turn to see his mom standing near.

"Mom, hey mom," the kid yells. "I just asked her if this is McDonald Falls and she said it is and then I preached to her."

The mom smiled and looked not-so-surprised. I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first person preached to by this kid.

A Day at Avalanche Lake

2011-06-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

I led a group to Avalanche Lake yesterday. All 15 visitors stuck with me the whole way (personal victory not to lose anyone due to my excessive talking about silt or fossil bacteria). Then when I concluded the hike (at my designated spot just before the pit toilets) I got trapped in an interpreter's conclusion death-cycle where you try to make a really awesome conclusion but you just keep saying the same thing over and over, grasping for awesomeness but actually killing any making-an-awesome-point power.

So, I finally stopped and said "that's it." An awkward silence ensued (an awkward silence that should have been filled with cheers and applause--had I given a powerful conclusion). Then people left and I headed to the pit toilets to do my cleaning duty (the pit toilets were already super clean so hooray for daily pit toilet cleaning--it pays off!).

Next I headed for the lake for my afternoon rove shift (walk around chatting with visitors--my job is pretty tough). At the lake I was telling a group of people about how I ended up in the park service (They asked me, don't worry, I'm not that vain!). Then, in the distance something captured my gaze--mid sentence I said "so the best way to get started in the park service is...oh wow, black bear." Behind the group, across the lake, foraging in the shrubs was a mama bear and her cub. We stopped talking and just watched. It was pretty cool.

Another visitor came and handed me binoculars. I was pretty excited to get a close up look at the bears but she insisted I use them to look at a bald eagle she spotted in a tree. I was torn. Bald eagles are cool and all but at that moment I was more interested in the bears. But, to appease the lady I used them to search for the bald eagle. She kept giving me directions for where to look but I couldn't make heads or tails out of what she was saying. I kept scanning the general area she was directing me toward. I realized this was going to take a while so I lied and said I saw it. I think she could tell I didn't really see it but I gushed enough about how awesome it is to see a bald eagle at the lake that she kinda bought it and walked a foot or two away--allowing me to go back to watching the bears. I'm a jerk, I know.

I continued watching the bears for about an hour--that's as long as they were visible. Then the bald eagle started flying circles around the lake, which was pretty cool. And on top of that, a loon was on the far end of the lake howling like a wolf. And on top of that, I heard an avalanche in the neighboring basin (it shook the ground a little) followed by three growls of thunder in the sky. What a day! I didn't think it could get better, but on top of that it did!

Walking down the 2 mile trial I saw two people hiking towards me. They yelled "Is that Teagan? I can't believe it, it is, it's Teagan!" At first I didn't recognize them but they told me their names and said "we went on this hike with you last year, we took a picture with you, you're in our scrap book." And that's when I knew I made it as a ranger...I ran into people who remembered me and my hike, who put me in their vacation scrap, and were elated to see me again. Ranger nirvana!

Hunger Games

2011-06-23T23:00:00.001-07:00

Over the last week I have devoted 36 hours of my life listening to the Hunger Games trilogy. The story kept me interested and I really liked listening while driving or doing mundane tasks like vacuuming or brushing my teeth.

But then it ended and the ending was a big let down. I won't go into detail if you haven't read the books but just know that one ongoing storyline focused on a girl juggling two guys who madly love her, leaving the reader (or in my case, listener) wondering who she would eventually end up with and how she would break the others' heart.

But in the end she really didn't chose. Instead the choice was pretty much made for her. She didn't have to just figure it out for herself, taking accountability for the consequences. She just waited until one of them realized she wasn't ever going to end it.

Sure, I understand not wanting to break a heart but come on, don't you think stringing someone along, giving them glimmers of false hope, is worse than cutting them loose. Yuck, it makes me ill because I was one of those dudes (not really in the sense of being male but in the sense that I was someone strung along by someone who didn't have the guts to just cut me loose). And the heart ache didn't have to be as bad as it was if the person would have just ripped the band-aid off and let me hurt for a bit and then heal.

In conclusion, I am disappointed with the main character's lack of compassion and backbone. And, I am particularly disappointed with the ho-hum ending. Boo. Re-write!

Stuff Visitors Say

2011-06-16T20:20:00.000-07:00

I gave an evening program yesterday. The one where I talk about rocks for an hour. Visitors love it! No really, they do. Stop doubting.

Before I give my 8:00 jaw dropping performance I walk around the campground for some pre-show rounding-up of visitors.

I stopped at one campsite where a father and son were just getting out of their car, which had Ohio plates. I started with my usual program invite: "Hi there! I'm just telling people about the program tonight. At 8:00 I will be giving a presentation on the geological history of the park."

The typical visitor response is either blank stares or a question: "where?"

Well, when I said my bit to the father and son the father just asked "So what part of Kentucky are you from?"

I cocked my head, confused? "I'm from California."

He didn't really seem to care and followed with "We drove all the way here from Ohio..." and we went on to exchange some pleasantries.

As I walked away I wondered to myself "What part of Kentucky? Did I drawl? Was that a joke? Was he trying to be funny?"

Weird.

Then, today 1200 people came to our tiny visitor center. And while I didn't deal with half of the crowd the portion I did deal with was exhausting. There were screaming and running children, foreign visitors who desperately wanted specific information, and a lot of unhappy campers wondering what to do during this wet and rainy week.

And then a Jr. Ranger showed up. She seemed a little different, maybe autistic? She spoke in a very matter of fact, adult-like manner. She handed me her Jr. Ranger book and frankly said "I finished the required parts."

I responded "Oh, so you finished the book?"

"No, just the required minimum."

I stood corrected. I asked her her age. She was seven. "Whoa, pretty articulate" I thought to myself.

I had her state the Jr. Ranger pledge and asked "Now, do you agree to do those things? If so all you need to do is sign your name here." I pointed to the line where the kids sign their pledge to protect and preserve Glacier NP and the area where they live.

She looked up and asked "So, you want my John Hancock." She was dead serious.

I tried to stifle a laugh. "Yes, I want your John Hancock right there."

"Okay" she said and then I made a big scene in the visitor center announcing her as the newest Jr Ranger. She was pretty excited. And I just kept laughing to myself! John Hancock? Crazy kid!

Religious Kids Say the Darndest Things

2011-06-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I led a field trip for a bunch of 2nd graders the other day. You should know that these weren't your run of the mill 2nd graders, though. These 2nd graders were religious kids from a private christian school. And it's easy to forget that when you deal with christian school kids you don't always get the typical 2nd grader answers.

While introducing them to our park symbol I told the kids that the pictures on the symbol help us remember what we are trying to protect in every national park (bison=wildlife; tree=plants; lake=natural resources; mountain=scenery; arrowhead shape=history of the people).

I usually go through each symbol and get the kids to guess what the pictures represent. This is what generally happens, and basically what I expect, when I talk to 2nd grade kids about the tree picture:

Me: What does the picture of the tree represent?

Typical Kid: The plants.

Me: Exactly: And who would care that we protect the plants?

Typical Kid: We do!

Me: Why do we care?

Typical Kid 1: Because we take pictures of them.

Typical Kid 2: Because animals live there.

and so on...

Here's what happened when I got to the tree picture with the religious kids:

Me: What does the tree represent?

Religious Kid 1: Plants

Me: Exactly: And who would care that we protect the plants?

Religious Kid 2: We do!

Me: Who else would care?

Religious Kid 3: God.

Me: Uh...Yeah, some people believe there is a God and that he would care...(Mental note to self: I'm a federal employee, I can't preach about God...stay neutral, stay neutral!)...Many people come to nature to have a religious experience and they might wonder where all this came from...Who lives in the forest that might care that there are trees?

Religious Kid 4: Animals.

Me: YES! (Sigh of relief).

Then, Rachelle took a turn with the kids.

Rachelle: So we all need food, water, shelter and space to survive. What do we call a place that has food, water, shelter, and space?

Religious kids:...(blank stares).

Rachelle: It starts with an H.

Religious kids: (hands shoot up in the air)

Religious Kid 1: Heaven?

Rachelle: Uh...yeah, heaven could have those things but I was thinking of a place on earth?

They eventually figured out she was talking about a habitat.

Animal Pals

2011-05-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

I live with three animals now. Raytinki, my own cat. River, my roommate's dog. And now, we added my prior roommate's cat, Rigby, to the mix. The first day was chaotic. The second day was more mellow. Today they seem to be tolerating each other. The main problem is the fact that Rigby doesn't like River and River is afraid of Rigby (who weighs like 4 lbs!).

I bet by the end of the summer they will all be curled up together, enjoying a nap in the sunshine. Raytinki and River already do this so it's just a matter before Rigby will join in!

Gray Area

2011-05-26T16:23:00.000-07:00

While inside from the rain I asked 30 4th graders how we protect and preserve animals in the park.

4th Grader #1: "We don't kill them."

Me: "Exactly. We don't hunt in the park."

4th Grader #2: "Um, well, (pointing to the low window sill to my far right) is that a mouse trap over there?"

Me: "Why yes, yes that is."

4th grader - 1, Park Ranger - 0

Owls

2011-05-22T12:44:00.001-07:00

My roommate and I finally got internet at our house...hooray. So, now I can update you on some past events, beginning with the forestry expo I worked at a few weeks ago. Enjoy my first "vlog."

Back Woes

2011-05-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

Remember the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials? I do and after having my back go out again on Monday I totally understand this lady's panic.

While working in the park I don't get much time to run errands. Usually the errands I have involve stores that close at 5 or 6 and are about 45 minutes away. In the spring I don't get off work before 4:30. Thus, the key day I have to run errands is Monday, on my day off. I also have Sunday off but you know us Mormons like to keep our Sabbath day holy--and that involves no shopping.

So this last Monday was no different then my other errand-running Mondays. I was feeling great and looked forward to getting stuff done.

But then I bent over just enough to send my body spiralling in pain. I knew immediately what happened. A disc in my lower lumbar slipped. I grabbed my back as I painfully made my way to the floor. I lay staring at the clock. It was noon and I was home alone with no phone. My roommate would be home, at the earliest, around 5. What to do?

I thought a little about the guy in Utah who had to cut off his arm and I was thankful I wasn't him. Then I rocked over to the right to try to roll onto my side. The pain was searing. I rolled back onto my back where the pain stop. I tried to roll to the other side and the same thing happened. I decided to just lay there until the pain calmed down enough.

An hour and a half later I tried again, rolling to one side and trying to prop my body up with one arm. Turns out it's hard to move without engaging your back muscles but I was able to deal with the pain long enough to get up on my hands and knees.

I slowly crawled into my room where I knew a giant bottle of Ibuprofen was sitting on my desk. I lifted up my arm just enough to knock it to the ground and then push it with my fist back to the living room.

Water...where was my water bottle? I looked up and saw it on the kitchen counter. I wouldn't be able to reach it crawling. I decided to walk. I grabbed a table nearby and pulled my way up to standing. I took a step and the pain shot through my body. Stepping was bad. So, I shuffled my feet and made it to my water.

I took pills, made an aganonizing trip to the bathroom (because the main motivation I had to get up in the first place was the fact that my bladder felt like it was going to explode), grabbed a bag of frozen peas and slowly made my way back to the ground. I lay there, icing my back, until my roommate got home.

What a day! I sure wish I had one of those "I've fallen and can't get up" buttons.

For the next two days I stayed on the floor. Fortunately I had sick leave saved up for work.

This back of mine...it's a pain!

Quiet Time Fail

2011-05-04T10:32:00.000-07:00

Riding high on the success of my last quiet time experience, I tried it again today with a group of 7th graders. We quietly walked to the lake, just like last time. We heard the rocks crunch below our feet, just like last time. And there was even a loon in the distance, just like last time. I was hopeful. I took a deep breath and told nature to bring on the amazing.

And then it felt like anything but amazing.

A park employee in the background had his truck running and he seemed to be contemplating using his snow blower. One kid kept shifting his weight in the rocks so we heard "crunch, crunch, crunch." The loon didn't call, it swam away instead. Another kid started shaking because he was trying to stifle his laughter (something I have experienced myself so I couldn't get mad at him, it's hard to be quiet and easy to get the giggles) which made his two buddies giggle--louder and louder.

I didn't know if they just needed more time or if this experience was just being shoved down their throat and they weren't buying into it.

So, I ended the quite time experience. What did we see? Not a bald eagle. What did we hear? Not a loon. What did we feel? Probably not the peace that nature brings. I was sad. It seems my experience with them failed.

I challenged the kids to try it again, and again, and as many times until something incredible happens. After all, it took three seasons of quiet time with students before I saw the eagle and heard the loon call. But now that I think about it, if something doesn't happen does that mean their time standing in nature wasn't incredible? Maybe I lost site of what the whole thing was about. I was disappointed because the incredible didn't come. But incredible doesn't have to be in-your-face, awe-inspiring, experiences. Isn't the point just enjoying everyday nature? Enjoying quiet? Enjoying calm? Enjoying a duck calmly swimming away? Enjoying the lack of in-your-face-ness? Isn't that incredible, too? I think I missed the incredible today because I was looking for something big when it is out there always. It's in the rocks and the ripples in the water. It's in the sway of the trees or the crispness of the air. Boy, I hope the kids saw more than I did!

After I wrapped up my program with the class and sent them on their way a girl came up and shook my hand and thanked me. That was pretty incredible.

Quiet Time

2011-04-29T08:51:00.001-07:00

I gave a short program to a class of 5th graders yesterday. The topic was the difference between the Forest Service and the Park Service. Midway through the program I had the kids get into a single file line and then walk down to the lake. Before we stepped onto the rocky shore I had them stop. I told them to make lots of noise; yell, rustle their jackets, and stomp their feet. Then I told them to stop. I wanted complete silence. A few giggles rippled across the line but I waited. "We can't go until it is silent" I told them. "Sometimes when you are completely silent you can have really neat experiences." Silently we walked onto the shore. The only noise was the crunching of shifting rocks below our feet.

Facing the lake, I had the students stand still and watch and listen.

At first the sound of birds grew louder. The wind rustled in the trees. And then a bald eagle swooped down and soared in front of us, eventually landing in a tree about 200 feet away. It was amazing. I almost shouted out "did you see that??" but I kept quiet. Then, out on the lake we could see the silhouette of a loon. Silence. Then the loon called out, making it's trademark wolf like howl. You gotta be kidding me, I thought! First an eagle and now a loon. This was the coolest silent experience I have had yet with any group of students.

Brimming with excitement and awe, I quietly asked the students what they saw and heard. To my relief they did see the eagle and hear the loon call.

I did my best to assure them that what they had seen was really special.

Over the past week our training has focused a lot on connecting children with nature. With tv, internet, video games, and Ipods kids are finding more and more reasons to stay inside. And as going outside seems less and less common, health issues are becoming more and more common for children.

What's the solution? Get kids outside.

I hope those students I had a quiet experience with will remember that nature is pretty neat and worth getting into.

Disconnecting

2011-04-26T17:14:00.001-07:00

It's my first time back on the web since Saturday night. The truth is I don't miss it until I get back on and see all the email I need to go through. But it's still nice to get a little break. So now instead of being addicted to the web I am addicted to this audio book. Wow what an amazing story. If you are looking for a great, non-fiction book I definitely recommend it!

Glacier is still amazing. Training is still hard to sit through. And I live right by the amazing pizza place...which may turn into a bad thing for my waist line.

Already Thursday!!

2011-04-21T09:19:00.001-07:00

I finally finished grading. So my "things to do by Monday, April 18th" are almost done.

In other news, Raytinki got his Easter present early. Wheat grass...yums for his (excessively large) tums!

Now I'm off to school to read and write. How fundamental!

It's Monday, Monday, Monday...

2011-04-18T08:49:00.001-07:00

East Glacier, April 2009.

One week from today I will back in GLAC (The National Park Service acronym for Glacier National Park. My favorite acronym is the one for Lake Meade National Park: LAME. Classic.). My goal for the week is to:

GRADE! I have two more sets of labs to judge...I mean grade or "mark" as they say here in Canada.

WRITE! I really need to make some substantial progress on my proposal before I leave. It doesn't have to be done or perfect...it just needs to be something more than an outline.

PACK! And not to wait until the last minute. I want to have my car fully packed by Friday.

DRIVE! I want to leave Saturday morning so I can get into Glacier Saturday evening and still have time to run into town to grab groceries for the week.

So, now that I have a plan laid out, it's time to make the most of today.

Dinner and a Baby

2011-04-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

What do you get when two awesome return missionaries from Sapporo, Japan get married? One of the cutest babies in the world!

This is Baby Ashton. Pretty cute, right!

I had dinner with Ashton's parents, Mana and Brandon, on Sunday. The three of us served as missionaries in Japan during the same few years...but we didn't know it until we all met at Church in 2008. It's actually a funny story. Brandon and I were assigned to give a talk in church on the same Sunday. He spoke first and mentioned he served in Sapporo, Japan. All I wanted to do was shout "I did too!!" It was a struggle to contain myself. As soon as he finished his talk and I got my chance at the podium I immediately told everyone that I served in the same mission and looked back to see a surprised Brandon. After my talk we excitedly talked about areas we both lived in and people we both knew. And then Brandon introduced me to Mana, who is from Japan and also happened to serve with us too. It was like a Christmas miracle to all be in the same ward. They became my first friends in Calgary and I had the opportunity to watch them grow closer as friends, begin to date, get engaged, married, and start their family. And that is a pretty neat thing to see.

I hadn't seen them in a long time so we set up a dinner date. I also wanted to meet their baby. I am so glad I did because I had a really wonderful time. We ate delicious Japanese food and had brownies and ice cream, we played some Wii and enjoyed some quality time with Ashton.

Tonkatsu (toe-own-kaw-tsu), breaded and fried pork.

Thoughts on Babies:

It's no secret that I am intimidated by, and maybe even afraid of babies. No offense to those of you with babies. I think it's great that you have babies. Those of you who I know that have babies are great parents to your babies and I think that is wonderful. I, on the other hand, am a youngest child who has had very little experience with babies. When I was 12 I lived with a baby in my parents' house since my sister had her son and continued to live at home. So I guess I have had exposure but it didn't help me feel comfortable around babies. For one thing, I don't even remember changing his diaper, or any baby's diaper...ever. I do remember vividly the day I accidentally shut a door while my toddler nephew had his hand in the door jam. He ended up with an injured hand and I ended up traumatized and determined to stay clear of babies. When my brother had their first baby I refused to hold her...I was just scared it would end badly.

The odd thing is that babies and toddlers and small children are usually fascinated with me. I'm like a kid magnet. They want to hold my hand or sit on my lap or smile at me like in the case with baby Ash. I don't really understand why this happens. And I really don't know how to deal with their attention. Maybe babies are like cats? Cats know when people don't feel comfortable with them. They then make it a goal to rub on the legs or jump on the laps of such persons and basically shower them with attention. And then, the people who adore cats, get ignored. So maybe that's what babies do. Or not. Heck, the point is I don't understand babies.

I Heart General Conference

2011-04-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

My love for General Conference has grown over the years. I remember watching in High School and not really getting anything from it. Then in my early years in college I would occasionally get something but mostly I fell asleep during it. On my mission I lived for General Conference. For one thing we watched it in English so it was my chance to actually fully understand something. For another thing I remember bringing an investigator with us to listen (Erin will remember this, Takuoku san!) and she said her heart felt warm when the prophet spoke. Over the past few years I feel like conference has become something really special...something I can't wait for because I know how inspiring and relevant the messages are for me. This weekend's conference certainly lived up to those expectations. I felt like so many of the messages were directed just for me! I love the kind hearts of our church leaders and how genuine they are. I love the stories they tell and how some use humor while others use their touching testimonies to connect to us.

The talks that really touched me this weekend include:
- Elder Oaks' talk on desires and how they dictate our priorities and determine our choices and actions.
- Elder Bednar's message relating how we experience light with how we experience revelation.
- Elder Johnson's talk on trials; especially his council that we not resent the very things that help us "put on the divine."
- Elder Christofferson's quote by Hugh B. Brown about the gardener and the current bush: "I know what I want you to be."
- Elder Robbins' talk on discipline, I especially appreciated his insight on the bad habit of turning our failures into our identity.

Overall, I felt a strong theme of conference revolved around building families and doing service. So much to learn! I look forward to the messages coming out in text (which the church website says will be Thursday...amazing).

Now on to prepare my own talk for next Sunday.

Cookies

2011-03-31T16:39:00.001-07:00

My need for cookies is pretty incredible. In a feeble attempt to combat this desire I decided that I wouldn't buy cookies and if I wanted them I had to make them myself. In truth I have decided to do this many times because I usually give in and buy cookies again. Today I gave in big time--about 1.1 kg worth of "big," to be exact.

I Wish I Had This on My Car

2011-03-27T18:29:00.001-07:00

Being the Mean Critic

2011-03-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

No word on the blood test. So I'm guessing nothing showed up.

In other news, today I got all amped up in class and made myself look like a big jerk. Here's what happened:

Every Friday I am required to go to a graduate seminar where one of my peers presents their research for 15 minutes and the rest of us in attendance critique the presentation and the content presented.

The guy who presented today gave the best presentation of the year. He had amazing visuals, he was well prepared (even though he quipped that he only had two days notice that he was going today), he was calm and collected and did an admirable job explaining his technical content at a level we all could understand (since we all are from very different backgrounds ranging from geology to biology to anthropology to sociology). But for some reason I was fuming.

Maybe it was because he joked that bears eat human flesh and I was angry because I spend all summer convincing people that they don't--whatever it was I let my emotions get the best of me and decided that I was in no way going to let him think he gave the best presentation of the year.

When he finished his talk we broke up into two groups, and I ended up in the content group.

For the next 10 minutes I aired all my complaints and everyone just stared at me. Two of the guys in our group were his buddies who kept defending all the things I was picking at. Then, a gal from the group said "I think I have had enough of this, shouldn't we also focus on what he did well." At that point I felt a tinge of guilt but assured the girl that obviously he did a great job, it's our job to nit pick.

A few minutes later one member from each group stood up to present the critique. The presentation group went first, showering the presenter with compliments and praise. And then they said they really didn't have any criticism.

When our guy gave the content critique he started by saying "This isn't what I think but a small portion of our group thought that you were using grizzly bears to pan handle your research as interesting even though you are focusing on plants." Everyone laughed, the guy next to me waved his arms over my head, indicating that I was the small portion of the group who had issues with his presentation. I felt like a royal jerk.

After the talk I apologized to the presenter, asked some more questions, and said that I had misinterpreted what he was telling us. As I walked back to my office with my tail between my legs I realized my problem was with me, not him. I was clearly jealous of this guy.

He is a talented presenter.
He is confident and intelligent.
He is very attractive, clearly popular, and has a girlfriend.
He has is proposal defended and is working with a great advisor.
And, the real kicker, he won the award for TA of the year this year...and I didn't (I got it last year and was hoping I could hold on to my precious title since I throw everything into TAing).

So, I felt like this guy who appears to have everything going for him stole the only thing I feel I am good at in the academic world which led to jealousy, contempt and ultimately unfair judgement of his presentation.

Ugh. Why can't I just be confident in me? I'm sure this guy has troubles...maybe he has a bad hair day once in a while. The point is, it doesn't matter. I live my life, he lives his and we both have things to learn and other things to overcome. His success does not diminish my own. We both can be happy and successful. The only thing getting in my way isn't him, it's me.

So what if it takes me longer to do things. So what if I have acne and no boyfriend or even prospects. So what if I have to take medication to focus and be calm. So what. It's my life. This is what I can handle and this is what I get to live with. And you know what, I know that I can do a better job enjoying it.

Don't compare, don't compete, and don't complain...that was the mantra my Japanese teacher taught me in the MTC when I decided that I wasn't cut out for learning Japanese like the other students. Once I started following that mantra I started the long journey that I needed to take to slowly learn a new language.

The mantra is also applicable in my academic world. I have to stop comparing myself to others and just work on being a better me than I was yesterday. And slowly I will progress and little by little I will accomplish my goals.

Post Blood Test

2011-03-19T11:27:00.001-07:00

I'm home from my blood test and I know you are dieing to hear about my "experience."

Well, I got there, waited five minutes and then a woman called my name.

She was the woman who would draw my blood--the phlebotomist.

As we walked to a small room the phlebotomist told me she liked the sound of my first and last name. She then asked me how I was feeling.

I said "I'm so excited" and immediately realized she didn't get my sarcasm so I followed that with "not really."

We got to the small room, I sat down in the "blood-drawing" chair and put my arms out. I figured she would dig into my right arm since a vein was visible right below my skin. But she said the other would be better. Obviously I know nothing about phlebotomy.

30 seconds later she said I was done.

What?

Wait a minute. "What about the glucose test where you test my blood for hours?"

She smiled and said "Oh no, that's the fasting glucose tolerance test, you got the fasting glucose test."

So, after 15 minutes I was back home eating cereal.

Did it hurt? No.

Did I overreact and get all worried for nothing? Oh yeah.

Am I a big baby? You bet.

**Erin, your stories put mine to shame. And I love them so keep 'em coming!

I don't know when I will hear the results but I kinda hope something is wrong with me--and by wrong I mean something treatable is wrong with me. Fatigue and dizziness is too much to handle for this big baby.

Blood Test Prep

2011-03-18T23:12:00.000-07:00

I had another dizzy spell today. It started around 4 pm and now it is midnight and I am just starting to feel okay again. It's really getting in the way of my typical procrastination routine because it's go time--I can't procrastinate any more and I have only a few weeks to get my proposal in before I head back to Glacier. In light of that, I am hoping that my blood test tomorrow will shed some light on my reoccurring dizzy-fits--and my chronic fatigue.

One of the blood tests I am getting done tomorrow is a fasting glucose test. Fasting just happens to be a huge weakness for me. Just the other week in my religion class we talked about the scripture that says fasting is a joy. I shared with the class that I have never once had a joyful fasting experience. The teacher suggested I work on my spiritual motivation. Oh man, I have boat loads of spiritual motivation...it just physically hurts to not eat AND I get uber-cranky. So, not only is it an un-joyful experience for me, it is also a very un-joyful experience for others around me.

Another awesome thing I just realized as I was reading the preparation sheet for my fasting glucose test is that the test itself lasts 2-3 hours--and they take blood several times!! Enter cranky Teagan who gets poked many times in the space of 2-3 hours--with big ol' needles!! I know many of you who might be reading this have experienced far, far worse, including child birth...but let's all agree on one thing, I am a HUGE wimp and this wimp does not do well with needles. In fact, I have never donated blood because every time I would walk by the blood drives set up in BYU's student center I would feel faint and almost hurl.

So, wish me luck. Actually, I don't need luck, I need bravery--so wish me brave!

Japanese Companions

2011-03-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

Most of my Japanese stuff is in Illinois, stuffed in a big plastic bin, and stacked with about 100 other identical bins in my parents garage. Right now I really wish I was either there or the bin was here because in that bin are the wedding announcements for a few of my Japanese companions and on those announcements are their new last names. And without those last names I don't know how else to search for them on google's people finder.

I am especially concerned about my sweet companion who took care of me when my knee went out in Japan, Akiko Watanabe. Akiko is originally from Sendai and more specifically Miyagi--one of the hardest hit areas by the tsunami. I don't know if she was still living there when the earthquake and tsunami hit.

For now I am praying that she, along with my other companions and their families, are safe. So far the church website says that they know that about 95% of the members in the area are reported for and safe. But they are still waiting to hear from those members who live in the most devastated regions--like Miyagi.

Disaster in Japan

2011-03-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

I have been glued to the news, following the stories on the Tsunami and Earthquake(s) in Japan. My heart aches for the people who are there. I can't even imagine! One day you are living life as usual and the next day your world is turned upside down, in an instant.

It reminds me of my favorite quote that I share with visitors in Glacier:
"Civilization exists by geological consent, subject to change without notice."
- Will Durant

And even though I am in awe of the Earth and her power, I am also deeply concerned for my Japanese friends. As of right now I know that one of my missionary companions -- who I served with in Hokkaido -- is safe but I'm not sure about several others. Part of me is so mad that I did such a crappy job of keeping in touch with them. Another part of me is upset that I have forgotten so much Japanese. So now, more than ever, I realize that in just seven years I have let some of the most incredible people I have ever known slip away along with my language skills.

My love for Japan, however, only grows stronger. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Japan or feel that burning desire to go back.

And now that there are so many people who need help, comfort, and support, I wish I could go now. Oh Japan, I love you and your people so, so much! You're in my prayers.

Not Dizzy

2011-03-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

I woke up today just fine. I still went to the chiropractor since my neck and shoulders have been bothering me. I asked the chiro. if my neck might be causing my dizzy spells. He said my situation sounded more like iron deficiency, which makes sense in my case. He also told me to eat a big steak this weekend. Nice.

So Dizzy

2011-03-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I woke up with the room spinning. I just figured I didn't get enough sleep and went about my day. I even went to a Dr. appointment and could have brought it up but didn't because I had completely forgot it even happened.

Then this morning it happened again. I tried to read the time on my clock but it was a blur. I figured I was just hungry so I ate a bit, took a shower, and did a little yoga to get blood circulating. I felt less dizzy but still dizzy. Kind of like when you spin around and then stop. You know how at first the world seems to oscillate but then you progressively feel less dizzy. Well I feel like I am still in the process of getting less dizzy. The world isn't oscillating but I just have a hard time focusing and I feel nauseated.

So what is going on?

My routine lately hasn't changed. I haven't stopped or started new medications. I did just have my period (I know, too much information) but could being low in iron cause this?

I also pulled a muscle in my neck two days ago. Today is the first day it doesn't hurt. Maybe it's related to that?

I'm just not sure. So my plan of attack is this:
1. Go to a Dr. I won't be able to get in to see my campus Dr. anytime soon but I was able to make an appointment with another doctor. The problem is the soonest they have an opening is for next Tuesday.
2. Go to the chiropractor. Unfortunately my chiropractor is out of town this week so even though I really prefer her, I made an appointment with another one for tomorrow. Hopefully fixing up my neck alignment will help.
3. Go home. I think I am going to try and nap this off today. If it's still happening tomorrow I will try a walk-in clinic in town.

How annoying. But also how critical to have your body functioning well! Something as little as this can really impact all aspects of life!

Glacier Webcams

2011-03-08T09:22:00.000-08:00

The webcams at Glacier are a big deal. People check them daily to watch the ground squirrels, see the lakes, and check if their favorite ranger is putting up the flag pole in front of the Apgar visitor center.

When I'm in the visitor center, and it's slow, my favorite thing to do is to take screen shots of the on-line webcam images that show people walking into the visitor center. Then, when they come up to the counter to ask questions I turn the computer screen towards them and say "hey, isn't that you?" They love it! One guy even had me send him an email of his webcam image.

I guess I'm just another webcam fan! I even have the website bookmarked on my computer. That way when I start feeling "home-sick" I'm only a click away. Today I saw a snowman behind Park Headquarters.

Do you want to see what's going on at Glacier National Park today?? Of course you do...here's the link:

http://www.nps.gov/glac/photosmultimedia/webcams.htm

Sicko

2011-03-05T13:29:00.001-08:00

Raytinki didn't eat breakfast this morning. He also didn't eat dinner last night. Either he's getting a head start on fast Sunday or I have a sick kitty on my hands. I'm fairly certain he isn't spiritually motivated so I'm hoping he starts eating again, otherwise we might have a trip to the vet in our near future and unfortunately Canada's socialized medical plan doesn't include feline family members.

Modest Wear

2011-03-03T20:45:00.001-08:00

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say finding cute, modest dresses is hard to do. But it just got a little easier! A gal who lives in Colorado has a blog devoted to modest clothing finds. Check it out and maybe you will find more ways to be chased (if you're married, by your husband of course) while still being chaste.

sensiblystyled.com

Whoa, Nabisco

2011-02-28T20:44:00.000-08:00

I went to FHE tonight and that's not what this post is about, but that is where the story for this post begins. You see I left FHE and grabbed a Chips Ahoy cookie on the way out. As I ate it my mind started a mini-panic attack. "You don't have any treats at home, Teagan! You said you wouldn't buy treats anymore and if you wanted them you had to make them but it's late and you're tired and you only had ONE cookie and you NEED more!!" So I stopped at the grocery store to appease my needs with some more Chips Ahoy cookies.

When I got home and eagerly ripped open my personal Chips Ahoy cookie stash I noticed something amiss on the package. Take a look-see, what's wrong with this image?
Christie? What the heck? What happened to Nabisco. I rushed into my roommate's room, weilding my Christie cookies and said "What is this? This isn't Nabisco! But it says Chips Ahoy!" To which she calmly replied "In Canada we have Christie, which is owned by Kraft, and we don't have Nabisco." Whoa. It's not really a big deal, they taste the same, but how on Earth is this the first time I have noticed this? I've been here almost 3 years already and if there is one place I spend a lot of time it's in the cookie isle. I guess I must be buying a lot of plain donuts instead.

On a similar note Mac and Cheese is referred to as "KD" for Kraft Dinner. Where does the craziness end?

Almonds, Naps, and Work

2011-02-24T20:40:00.001-08:00

I bought a $1 box of Great Value chocolate covered almonds from Walmart. I figured it was a gamble; either a great deal or nasty crap. They're not that bad and the after-taste tastes like hot chocolate...interesting.

You know what else is interesting? Well, this morning I found Raytinki like this:
First I thought someone did this to him but after a short inquiry it turns out that he rolled himself up in the rug all by himself and took a nap. My roommate said that she has actually seen him do this before. My cat's a weirdo.

And the most exciting news of the week: I got my job back at Glacier, as if I had any doubts (actually with this economy and huge budget cutbacks at the park, I had me some doubts!). I can't wait. Fourth season here I come...in a few months.

An Image of Prague

2011-02-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

My former roommate, Ellie, went to Europe over Christmas break. How amazing would it be to enjoy Christmas in Zurich or to walk the streets or Prague. And if I were in Prague this is where I would go first:

It's a Rigby and Raytinki store!

Canada Lingo

2011-02-22T22:42:00.000-08:00

Say goodbye to the days when the word "whack" meant to hit because here in the Great White North it means a lot. And I don't mean it means a lot of different things, I mean it means a lot of one thing. For example "Today I bought a whack of tomatoes." (Actually I didn't, but I do wish I had a whack of plain donuts!)

Anyway, I heard it used the Canadian-way the first time on the radio. The announcer said they were giving away a whack-o-cash. Then, while sitting in on the class I TA for, the professor said something like "we get a whack of snow each year."

Hearing it used once seemed odd but twice...could it be a coincidence? I asked the ultimate source on Canadian language information--my roommate. She promptly told me what it meant, rolled her eyes, and said "you Americans." She also scolded me for saying Iraq (eye-rack) instead of saying it the "proper" way, Iraq (Irrrrrrraack?). Well you know what, I'm almost pretty close to certain it's my constitutional right, or something, to say words however I want. Because I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free...to say words however I want, because Obama gave that right to me!! Ooooh Doggy, I love that song.

Needs and Shoulds

2011-02-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

There are lots of things I would like to research. But wanting to know is not enough in the academic world. Research, it seems, needs to fit into the void of what we still need to know...the research gap. It also needs to be important, something we should know.

Well, I know there is a lot about climate change education and communicatiuon that we need to know but what should we know now? What research both needs to be done and should be done?

For months I have been searching academic papers for the "should do" statement but still found nothing specific...untill today. I was reading an article about climate change communication. The very last point the author made was about what emerging issues she felt should be researched in the future...what is needed and should happen.

Right off the bat, the first emerging issue the author presented is exactly what I have been wanting to do, and hoping to do, but until this author I had yet to see anyone say "hey, someone should research this." Finally!! I was so excited when I read it that I had to get up and go buy some sushi. Kinda weird, I know, but when I get really excited I just have to get up and do something. This was the validation I have been looking for, the connection between what I want to do and what has been done before.

After I ate the sushi I was calm enough to write this. Now I think I can get back to reading the rest of the paper. Boy, I have issues. But I am a happy nut.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T16:53:00.000-08:00

And a happy day it is. Today I got this shirt in the mail--it's my bday present from Becky. It just went on a journey out in mail-land for a couple of months so instead of getting here in September, it came today--and it is a perfect day for it to arrive! Who needs a boyfriend or husband?! I've got Godzilla!

Crash Landing

2011-02-13T15:33:00.000-08:00

I was in a hurry this morning, rushing to church just like I do every week. Except this week I hurt myself. The last thing I remember thinking before I hit the ice was "It's awkward to run in heels."

It was like time was in slow motion as I teetered across the side walk, trying not to fall. But the inevitable happened. I lost my balance and flew head first into the side of my car. Fortunately my left hand hit the car first and my right hand hit the ground, so when it came time for my head to impact the car the brunt of the force had been taken by my hands.

Beat up by gravity and ice.

The left streak that runs diagonal across the back door is from my left hand. My head hit the front door. The picture below shows that spot, zoomed in.

Here you can see the imprint of my hair on the door--the point of impact for my head.

It took a second to collect myself but when I could see clearly I checked my car and body for damages. My head was okay but my hand was bleeding in several places and I was shaking. I rushed back into the house, rinsed and bandaged my hand and hurried--this time with caution--back to my car and off to church.

I pulled into the parking lot which was almost entirely covered by ice. I took a deep breath, flailed across the parking lot and made it safely into the building. What a morning!

Maybe One Day

2011-02-09T12:06:00.000-08:00

This is my grandma on the Tomlin side. Her name is Virginia. I was heartbroken when she died 17 years ago. I thought we had a good relationship but I was only 12 and now as I look back I realize I don't really know "her". I knew her as grandma but not as Virginia. Now that I am an adult (almost 30!) I wish I could go back in time as an adult and get to know her again. What was she like? What were her hopes and dreams?

Same goes for my parents--good ol' Bill and Deb. I wish I could go back and talk to them when they were my age. Would we have similar friends? Hobbies? Would they think I was funny and vice versa? What were their interests? I have so many questions.

Maybe one day I can do this, you know, when I'm dead and all, since time is reckoned differently in heaven. Who knows? But It would be neat!

Who Peed on My Bed?

2011-02-04T16:13:00.000-08:00

Today it happened again. I couldn't believe it. I just folded the blankets I washed all night and layed them on the bed. Then I went to the kitchen to get a knife and when I got back there was cat on my bed, scratching at my bed as if to cover up something he just "made" for me. I rushed over, pushed the cat off and low and behold there was pee. So, looks like another evening of washing ALL of my blankets. With that in mind, I just want to take this opportunity to give a shout out to all the moms and dads out there who have washed blankets all night. Twice seems out of control. I can't even imagine what it's like to have a sick kid for days or a potty trainer for weeks! Hats off to you!

Oh, and the cat wasn't Raytinki afterall. It was this guy, Kayzee the pee-er:
Kayzee has been officially 86ed from my room.

How to Be Heard

2011-02-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was making my bed before going to bed (because I never make it in the morning but can't stand going to bed in an un-made bed) and I discovered a wet spot. I bent over to give it the "sniff-test" and sure enough, it was urine.

A cat peed on all of my blankets.

I didn't know which cat but I had a pretty good idea. Raytinki has been out of sorts lately. First he has been super jealous of my budding relationship with the shy, black and white cat, Zuk. And second, he has been super not-okay with me trying to reduce his meal portion.

So far his wrath has manifested in the form of mysterious scratches on my forhead that I found yesterday morning.

But I guess bodily harm wasn't enough. I wasn't getting the message. So, I am about 99% sure the pee on my bed was the bigger version of the message, underlined and bold faced--with an exclamation mark. "Don't mess with my food, lady, and don't forget you're my lady, lady! Or else..."

How am I so sure it was Raytinki? Refer to the baby-Raytinki-pee-message from the summer of 2008. Ugh.

New Do

2011-02-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

Like most of my haircuts, this new do is the result of a spontaneous decision. I decided to do it when I was at the mall, finally changing the address on my driver's license (Alberta doesn't have a DMV where you do all your car stuff, instead they have a ton of "Registry" offices including one in the mall.).

The thought came to me because in that mall is where Abe, my friend's hair stylist works. I've been wanting to get a haircut from him for a while but kept pushing it off, never wanting to call for an appointment. So, since I was there I decided that I could at least make an appointment in-person.

The salon was empty when I walked in. I asked the receptionist when I could get in for a cut by Abe and she looked around the empty salon and said "how about now?" About 40 minutes later I walked out with a new do by Abe. It's pretty good and he showed a lot of skill but again, he's no Pat from Provo. One day I will fly to Utah just so I can get Pat to cut my hair again. Until then, Abe will do.
"Highlight" of the haircut: When Abe shaved the back of my neck. Pat used to shave my neck also when he gave me super short cuts so it wasn't a surprise when Abe asked if he could. I just hung my head and said "go for it, I know my hair line is funky back there" and inside I thought "wow, nothing makes me feel more like a woman then a man shaving my neck" (*tongue in cheek*).

I've Always Had a Thing for Cats

2011-01-28T22:09:00.001-08:00

I can't say the feelings were mutual.

Acknowledging the Breakdown

2011-01-28T13:24:00.000-08:00

I am starting to realize that what I have been going through over the past two years has been a long-term breakdown. And I think that is an okay thing to be going through. I have been learning more about myself; how I learn, how I react to pain, how I react to trials and frustrations. I have also been identifying the walls that I protectively place around me. I'm not done breaking down yet but I think now that I can finally recognize that yes, I have been going through something, then maybe I can figure out how to rebuild myself in a way that acknowledges my weaknesses instead of hiding them in shame.

Where did this realization come from? It's been little things adding up like the lesson we had about Jonah in Institute. But what really opened my eyes was a talk my friend, Jen, just posted on her blog. The talk is from TED.com and the presenter is Brene Brown, a "story-teller/researcher" who explored themes like connections and vulnerability in her research. Her findings are simple but profound and they certainly resonate with my core gospel beliefs.

Some suggestions she makes to practice a whole-hearted life are to:

1. "Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen;

2. love with a whole heart, even though there is no guarantee;

3. practice gratitude and joy in those moments of...terror where we are wondering 'can I love you this much?', 'can I believe in this as passionately?', 'can I be this fierce about this?'. Just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say 'I'm just so grateful because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive.'

4. To believe that we're enough because when we work from a place, I believe, that says 'I'm enough' then we stop screaming and start listening. We are kinder and gentler to the people around us and we are kinder and gentler to ourselves."

Amen.

Forgotten Past

2011-01-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

This is a classic Tomlin girls shot. My mom was border-line obsessed with dressing us all the same.

My sister Tammy just posted a bunch of old family pictures on facebook. As I looked through them I felt the all too familiar venom of jealousy course through my veins as I remembered a harsh reality. I grew up neglected. My parents took about a million pictures of my oldest sister Tammy when she was a baby, less of my year-older-than-me sister Tiffany, and then scarcely any of me. This has been a sore spot for me for years. The running joke in my family is that when I was in elementary school I had an assignment to bring in a baby picture of myself and since I don't really have any (I can think of three pictures that exist of me as a baby) my mom sent me to school with a baby picture of Tammy. Even if the story is untrue, it still bothers me.

The other thing I thought as I looked over the pictures was that I didn't like the fact that I couldn't remember any of the events captured in the photographs. I understand that most people don't remember everyday of their childhood but seeing these pictures felt like I was looking at a stranger, instead of myself. I wonder why I, and I'm sure most people, can't remember?

Tiffany, Julie, Me, and Tammy. I wonder when I stopped feeling comfortable with physical contact? I seem pretty okay with it here.

Tammy, Tiffany, and me enjoying the homemade tarp-pool my dad made for us.

Tammy, me, and Tiffany. I can't believe how blond I was! I also love my shoes here. I don't remember them but I would wear them today if I could find them in my size.

Info Eruption

2011-01-24T15:26:00.000-08:00

Chief Mountain behind the Cardston, Alberta Temple.

Saturday I went to the Cardston Temple with my ward. It is a good 2.5 hour trip so I had lots of time to listen to the three guys I carpooled with talk about sports and their missions. If it weren't so early in the morning I would have certainly added my own mission stories to the conversation but I just sat there, wishing I were asleep and wishing that they would stop talking about sports.

When we were about a half hour away from Cardston the guy sitting next to me said, pointing off into the distance, "hey, isn't that Chief Moutain." My ears perked up immediately. I squinted and started to see the oh-so-familiar shape of one of my favorite mountains in Glacier National Park. That's when the words started to well up in my throat. Oh no, I thought, I'm going into ranger mode. I did my best to contain all the amazing facts I had stored deep inside but as the Chief grew larger and larger my urge to explode information at them grew larger still. Finally I couldn't hold back and I started "sharing".

"Did you know that Chief Mountain has really old rocks on top and T-rex age rocks below..."

And that's how it started. They were interested for about 1 minute. One of the guys even asked how long it takes mountains to form. And with that invitation I was off and running until it was clear no one was listening anymore. So I stopped talking but, trust me, I could have gone on.

I guess it must be getting closer to Spring.
I don't have my job back officially but I have a good feeling about it. Let's hope it goes through because I don't know where else I could find people who want to listen to me talk about rocks all day.

What a Great Movie

2011-01-21T13:20:00.000-08:00

If you have ever struggled with something in a way that other people don't seem to understand...
or
If you have ever tried to get help but the help that is offered doesn't help...
or
If you have ever been stifled by fear...
or
If you know someone that has struggled with these things...
then
you should watch this movie!!

I watched it, connected with it, and felt like I wasn't such a freak of nature. We all struggle, we all face doubters, and we all can overcome, especially when we find the right support.

Loved this movie! (Warning, there is a bit of swearing but it is condensed within a minute or two so you can cover your ears easily.)

The Awkwardness Was Palpable

2011-01-19T21:15:00.001-08:00

The professor I am TAing for doesn't quite trust me yet. That's fine with me. I totally understand. He is a very involved professor who worries about his course. Plus, he has never worked with me so lack of trust during the first week of labs is understandable.

Earlier in the week he asked if he should come to lab. I told him he was welcome to join us anytime he wanted but he probably didn't need to this week since the lab was pretty straight forward.

He came to the beginning of the first lab, saw that I had things taken care of and left after about 10 minutes. I didn't expect him to come to my second lab since it would just be a repeat. But about 45 minutes into teaching the second lab I looked up and saw him in the doorway, observing. I waved and continued giving lab instructions.

After 15 more minutes my instruction was done and the students were busy at work on their assignment. It seemed like a good time to fill up my water bottle and grab some things from my desk upstairs. As I walked out of the lab I saw the professor in the office across the way, chatting with another professor. He saw me walking away and said "leaving so soon?" I held up my water bottle and said "water, I need water..."

He came towards me and asked how everything was going. "Oh, fine" I said. Then he asked, what's that on your shirt? He was referring to a flower embellishment on my peach Target t-shirt. I explained what it was to which he responded: "Oh, I couldn't figure out what that was, I just told myself 'don't look at her boob, don't look at her boob.'" I was stunned. All I could muster was "okay" (I was totally blind sided).

I did, however, at that very moment, have the clarity to decide not to wear that embellished t-shirt to school again. (I'll save it for special occasions, wink, wink!)

On Being a TA

2011-01-17T14:02:00.000-08:00

Showing my family how to lick kaolinite on my graduation day at BYU, 2008.

For me the highlight of being a grad student is being a TA. I am always struggling to stay focused on research and reading and writing but when it comes to teaching I am all ideas.

At BYU being a Geology TA was always exciting. I knew the topic, I got to work with rocks and make other people lick them and then lie to them by telling them "of course I clean the samples before you lick them". My favorite part was converting students to geology. I can think of few things more exciting than a student saying "because of this class I am switching my major to geology." YES! Instant chills.

Being a TA at the University of Calgary has been a different experience for me. I no longer know the topic like I did at BYU. Here I TA Geography classes. The last course I took in geography was in tenth grade, and my teacher had a nervous break down because the kids in my class were terrible to him (of course I wasn't, getting the teacher to consider me their favorite student was my ultimate goal in life).

So now I work hard to stay one step ahead of the students and hide from them the fact that I am only one step ahead. On one hand it's fun because I am learning new things and feel way smart when I pick up the concepts way faster than the students (which actively fluffs my ego) but on the other hand I prefer talking about rocks and minerals. Sometimes I sneak some geology stuff into my labs but the students aren't really all that jazzed about learning extra information that won't be on a test or an assignment. Shame.

This semester I am TAing Hydrology. I do have a little experience with Hydrology because I worked in a Hydro lab at BYU but most of the time I was flooding the lab with water instead of learning about hydrology.

Today was my first two hour lab of the semester. I teach two a week, one on Monday and the other on Wednesday. Of the total 26 students enrolled in the class 3 showed up today. The other 23 are apparently enrolled in the Wednesday lab. Ridiculous.

We have lecture before lab and since I had an idea that enrollment for Monday's lab was REALLY low, I begged the students to switch to the Monday lab. With 3 people showing up it's obvious that the 23 who heard my pleas and ignorned them don't respect me and should be tuaght a lesson. So, I decided to reward my 3 golden students in Monday lab by giving them LOTS of help and in the future I plan to pamper my golden students with treats and extra help.
I have no problem with preferential treatment. Especially considering that 23 students in the lab is going to be pure chaos. For one thing I don't have enough materials for 23 students. So many students will end up sitting around waiting for lab materials. After that experience my hope is that the students with the "economy seats" in my Wednesday lab will quickly realize that the service in "first class" Monday lab is way better and the numbers will even out a bit. If that happens they can all be my golden ones.

Dreams

2011-01-11T21:52:00.000-08:00

I went to the psychiatrist this week to get my prescriptions re-filled. Initially we chatted about how the new drug was treating me and then he asked if anything was bothering me. I said my dreams were.

I have been having a lot of dreams, really vivid and varied dreams. Some are intense, some are funny, and some are just weird. One thing is consistent and that is I have about 3 of these dreams per night. Which is good and bad. Good because it's fun to go to sleep to discover what crazy plot my mind stitches together and bad because I never feel rested even though I've been getting A LOT of sleep lately.

I asked the Dr. if there is anything I can do about this? Raise my medication dosage? Change my diet (which, let's be honest, I would never do)? Exercise more?

Before he answered he asked if I could trace my dreams to things I had thought about during the day.

One dream came to mind where I was on a luxury boat making roast beef sandwiches with Oprah. Early that day I had seen a bunch of Oprah commercials.

Yes, I told him, I could connect my dreams to things I saw or thought about during the day.

So he gave me his solution: Don't think so much.

Wow! I'm so glad I was able to consult an "expert" about this. (Oh, and I gave him a big ol' eye roll in response to his "solution".)

Smells

2011-01-10T09:25:00.001-08:00

It is amazing how memories are connected to senses, how walking past someone smoking on a cold, winter morning in Calgary can instantly transport me to a different place at a different time.

Suddenly I am standing in front of the Teinei train station in Japan. I am wearing my giant black down coat with my missionary name tag clipped to the front. My body is warm except for my face, my nose is very cold. I am wearing large sorrel boots that slip and slide on the compacted snow that covers the side walks and streets. I just walked by several people waiting for the bus who are smoking. The smoke mixed with the frigid air burns my lungs. I will always think of Japanese train stations when I smell cold smoke. I walk towards the train station where left of the entrance there are dozens of bikes beginning to emerge from the snow pack covering them. All I can see are handle bars. One is spray painted florescent orange. That is a government bike left at train stations for people to use and then leave somewhere else. The bright orange color lets everyone know that this is a loaner bike. The governments attempt to decrease the rate of bike theft since most bikes stolen are just ridden to the train station and abandoned there. Why not provide government bikes that are meant to be "stolen" and abandoned? It seems logical. I'm not sure how effective the system is. I know a lot of Elders get their bikes stolen. No one stole my bike, it was cheap.

An instant later I am standing at the crosswalk back in Calgary, on my way to school. It's amazing where a smell can take you!

Acne Rant

2011-01-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

Cartoon by Natalie Dee

I don't know why anyone would sign up for a lifetime with acne but I'm sure I was up in the pre-existence hearing about my life's plan and saying "single adult with acne, who has terrible joints, a bad back, ADHD, and an anxiety disorder, oh yeah, bring that on, I can do anything." In fact, I'm positive that is what I would say because I always think I can do anything and then anything happens and then I think dang you pre-mortal Teagan, why did you agree to this?

On the other hand, doing things this way gives me more emphathy and I have a feeling that I have a lot more empathy to learn since my acne has been one of the most constant things in my life over the past 20 years. And unfortunately it is not easy to hide acne. It's perma-acne that often turns into goose eggs. I remember once when a good friend's father asked me if I had run into something or hit my head to get the huge goose egg on my forehead and I said YES, I was in the car and went to look at something and hit my head on the window. I lied. It was just a really bad zit and I didn't want to tell the truth. I was too embarrassed.

After these years and years, what do I have to show for the decades acne has been my constant companion? Discolored skin, more acne, and scars. Lots of scars. Scars are cool, right? Well, not acne scars. I think they should be cool because I put up with a lot more pain and suffering because of my acne than anything else that has left a scar. But I'm sure no one sees an acne scar as a badge of honor.

I've tried to find a cure but after countless of doctor visits, and years of trying a vast array of medications, lotions, peels, masks, gels, and scrubs, I just can't win. And sometimes it just makes me not want to leave the house, like I'm trapped in acne prison. But then sometimes I remember a talk I heard once from a woman who also had bad acne. She said she didn't like to go out but one day decided to do all she could to make herself as attractive as she could and then to leave the house forget about it. The truth is, I'm sure if people notice my acne then that's it, they notice it. They don't obsess over it so why should I? If things stay as they are, then me and acne have a long road ahead of us. So, instead of fearing life because of it, I need to do a better job living despite it.

Okay, rant complete. Off to wash, scrub, and apply creams to my face and hope that in the morning there will be more healing than hurting! Acne and I signing off. :)